I’m trying to stay positive this year, but sometimes its very difficult, especially when I have to rely on other people to keep their word.

I have been studying an online line course that hasn’t exactly been a disaster, but the tutor who was assigned to me I think is. She makes excuses for forgetting appointments, then says “I’m so sorry blah, blah, blah…” I mean, we have a long email chain, written with history in Gmail, that we can just scroll through. Why can’t she just look at it?

I don’t know what to make of this. One time, yes, can be a mistake, but three? How can she keep making mistakes and writing the wrong date down in her diary. It’s 2020, get it together.

I really wanted to write a bad email, but I kept typing words, then deleting words, so in the end, I said “I’m so angry I can’t even write a proper email”. I also took a screen shot of her words saying “ok 11am Friday smiley face”. I wonder how she will respond to that. Will she admit she made a mistake, or will she say she doesn’t remember typing that. No, I think she will make her usual excuse of “I’m so sorry, blaaaaaaaaahhhh”. There’s only so many times a person can apologise before it just becomes meaningless background noise.

I’m so confused and despondent. I feel like again, a pile of dirt has been dumped onto me and I now have another hard climb to get back up to where I was before; if that’s even possible.

Loud sigh

I’m angry and annoyed that this stupid women wasted my time. I won’t think about it anymore for now. I’ll put it on hold in my mind, then I’ll deal with it on Monday.

Its a new year and bf reminded me that all online study has done is made me more stressed and anxious. Is this what happens when I’m brave enough to tell someone I’m disabled and ask for help?

That was Friday, this is Monday and I’m still thinking about it. I don’t even want to check my email because I think she sent me a reply. So now I don’t know what to do.

So yeah, unless something amazing happens, I think I’m done.

©ASD and me 2020.

1. Do some exercise everyday.

By exercise, I don’t mean join a gym. Gross. All those sweaty, meatbags throwing themselves around the room.

Exercise can be any form of movement, (my definition) for 30 minutes a day:

Walking around the supermarket

Walking around the shopping centre

Hanging out heavy baskets of washing

Cleaning the bath and scrubbing it, raising my heartbeat

Vacuuming and moving around the house

Moving furniture to clean behind and vacuum under

Standing at sink washing dishes

Filling or emptying dishwasher
Gardening, pulling weeds from a garden bed or vege patch

mowing lawn, trimming the edges, especially if you use a manual hedge trimmer (I don’t do these)

trimming tree branches, flowers, leaves

Carrying a full watering can down the ramp and around the backyard. I need to fill it and refill it as well so that takes at least 30 minutes or more and makes me puffed.

Trimming the wormwood hedge, which really needs it, but too hot outside for that.

Repotting, moving pots, replanting plants, picking fruit and vegetables.

I also want to walk outside, but I need to wake up very early to avoid the heat, and can’t walk far because of the smoke. I walk more during the other seasons, so I can’t wait for summer to be over.

What ever moves my body and makes me sweat, makes me puffy and makes my heart beat faster I’m considering exercise.

ASD and me 2020.