I watched an amazing TED talk yesterday by Johann Hari. He’s a writer, author and researcher and has published books on anxiety and depression.

It made me think about all the things that I’m depressed about in my life:

1. I had a huge argument with my LAC on the phone on Monday. We disagree about what her job role is and I had a panic attack, then she stared being rude to me and I was rude back. I said I will report her to the NDIA and she replied “please do” in a shitty attitude. I have never had a person, who was meant to have my best interest at heart, be so rude and have an awful attitude. She even yelled at me, so I hung up and cried.

Now I don’t know what to do. I asked the NDIA before if I could change to a different LAC and the man said he made an appointment for me, but nothing happened.

So now I’m super stressed because I really need a support partner and I have no idea what to do and no one to help me.

So I’m stuck again. Just makes me think, I went through year of stress and waiting and paper work for this?

2. My location. I hate where I live. If if it didn’t have shitty noisy idiots or drug dealers or people who neglect their dogs and let them bark all day, it would would be a nice quiet place. But sadly it does.

I keep looking for land and houses further out, so maybe I’ll strike gold and find somewhere nice. On flat ground with decent neighbours. Or no close neighbours would be good.

3. Health issues. I need to see a podiatrist to get my feet checked. Some times the arches ache so much that I can’t walk , which really sucks because I like walking and I need the exercise. I can’t go to a gym because they are ridiculously expensive are so noisy with that deafening music and the people all prancing around showing off their pecs and super tight stretchy clothing covered in sweat. (gross).

I’m sure there are a lot more reasons but these 3 are top of the list right now.

ASD and me 2019.

Johann Hari

I just found out that Jordan Peterson has gone to rehab to help with withdraw symptoms after he stopped taking anti anxiety medicine. I’ve never met Jordan Peterson in real life, but I wanted to after seeing his interviews and buying his book. I really hope he recovers.

I’ve been called paranoid in the past and I’ve even felt it, but I feel now that my feeling were right. Mind altering drugs, whether legal or illegal, or dangerous. I’ve always been afraid of them, and now, I have even more reason to run away from them.

I’m even afraid of taking medical marijuana, since I’ve heard it can bring out schizophrenia. Its in my family, and I have Autism, so who knows what else is hidden in there?

I took an antidepressant once, half a pill, and it made my head feel like I had a hangover. And that was half a pill. I threw them out and haven’t taken any since and never will again.

Don’t let anyone pressure you into taking medicine or dugs you don’t want.

Don’t let doctors or anyone else pressure you either. You have the right to say no or you want to do some research first before taking any drug.

If you are afraid of what effect drugs will have on you, like I am, try a book called Feeling good by David Burns. Also try CBT which is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I’ve tried it and it makes you keep a diary of thoughts so you can keep track of your bad habits and patterns. All drug free.

ASD and me 2019.

I saw another doctor on Monday, she said that hearing lose left untreated can lead to Dementia. So great, another thing to worry about. I think I’ll make her my main doctor from now on. I’ll call and make appointments with her since she was nice and I could understand her and she didn’t have a strong accent.

I’m also NEVER taking antibiotics again! I had Amoxicillin for what I thought was another ear infection, then another doctor said that’s the wrong one, but I Internet searched it and its for lots of things.

He gave me Metronide. That made me feel dizzy, sick, weak, hot like I had a fever but I didn’t have a fever and other side effects. Turns out, not an ear infection, just a “sore throat which is nothing and will go away on it own.” I feel I’ve had this sore throat for almost 2 years now.

I’m going for an allergy test today which will cost $290. We had to take the money from our mortgage account to pay for it. We’ve never done that before, but I feel I really need it. After this, no more doctors. I’m so sick of seeing doctors and wasting money, and taking pills and side effects and just feeling shitty. I want to work and sell paintings and travel and other things, not be stuck at home watching YouTube and doing endless online courses.

I had to change my appointment with the psychologist till the end of October so I could see the allergy doctor. I’m so glad that the NDIS will pay for her appointments.

I’m so tired of feeling bad. When did this start? I can’t even remember a time when I was well. I don’t care what I’m allergic to, I will live on baby food for the rest of my life if it makes me feel well and I can function normally.

© ASD and me 2019