Woke up this morning and bf told me to look out the back windows. The smoke had come up the side of the mountain and swallowed everything. It was in our backyard and our kitchen was hazy. The smoke burned my nose more and felt like my nostrils were full and harder to blow.
Even with smoke everywhere, some people still act like nothing is happening, even though there’s a fire at the next train station. I heard a loud noise out the front, so I looked. There was a man on the roof cleaning and preparing to paint. I think a local man started a roof painting business since I’ve seen some houses with his sign on the fence.
I guess he has to work and he has booked jobs, but surely smoke being everywhere would be a good reason to cancel?
I keep thinking about the worse things that could happen. I keep crying and trying to distract myself by watching YouTube, but it only helps for a little while. Then I need to breathe and am reminded.
I feel so trapped. The major highway has been closed, so that means we can’t leave and drive to Sydney. I don’t trust the train because that will stop too and we’ve been on a train where we had to wait almost an hour and people were arguing and I thought there would be violence.
I feel more helpless and useless than ever. My eyes hurt from the smoke as well. We blocked up windows with sticky tape and put towels under doors to try and stop the smoke coming in and also turn on the air con to get some fresh air. I haven’t left the house for 2 days because of the smoke and I didn’t go to my art group today because I was afraid of driving and choking. I’m going to watch tv and read to try and take my mind off everything.
I really hope the RFS can stop the fires or control them enough so it doesn’t come to my house. I hate living here now. No view is worth this much stress, anxiety and health issues.
©ASD and me 2019.