Thoughts

There’s a new noise in street

(This is from a few months ago. I’ve had it sitting in the Drafts folder, but didn’t want to delete it.  I’ve been ill since last Friday and haven’t felt like doing anything. I started the worst antibiotics ever on Monday, but the side effects are too bad and made me feel dizzy and drunk, so I stopped taking them).

Sunday morning about 8.30 I went outside with the cats. I wasn’t out here long, when loud music started. I don’t know what it is about amplified bass that drunks like, but they always seems to like  it.

I have spoken many time before about my hatred of this noise. When I started, I had my usual reaction of of what the fuck, this shit again? I looked around , then thought it was coming from out the front so I went out to my front lawn.

Basically, it was the man across the road. I don’t want to type too much detail, but I knocked on the door for about a minute before he answered. He turned it down a bit after I asked him, but he didn’t like that I said I can hear that across the road in my backyard. He waited till I was down the drive way then yelled  know your place. What ever that meant to his deadbeat unemployed drunk brain, I have no idea.

I yelled back know your place renter, go back to Queensland. He stood at the door for a while, then closed the door. I had a feeling he was holding back because he doesn’t want to get kicked out by the old woman hes budging off.

Its always the same reaction. People (normally drunk) act so surprised that I’m asking them to turn it down. Like what, you don’t want to hear my music from across the road? Really? You want to keep your hearing? I thought I was doing you a favour by sharing my noise and deafening you.

I wish there was a way I could explain to them and make them see their behaviour.

©ASD and me 2019.

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Frustrated Aspie · Thoughts · Uncategorized

Stop using Autism as an insult!

Wow, he’s such a herpes head!

She’s such a quadriplegic!

You’re such a heat rash!

My legs hurt today, I need a wheelchair!

You’re such a Lyme head!

I forgot my books, I’m so autistic today!

(And my favourite)

Isn’t everyone just a bit Autistic?

Did you read the top lines? Have you ever said anything as stupid, ignorant and hurtful? No, them I’m sure you’re a good person. If you have ever said anything like this, then why?

I’ve been noticing a disturbing trend lately, mainly online. Its people making hurtful comments about Mental Illness, especially Autism. I’ve seen and heard many comments in Youtube videos and the comment section of people using Autism as an insult. It seems to be becoming the new “retard” or “spastic’. Obviously, I don’t like either of those words, but at least they don’t shine a spotlight on a specific illness.

Why is mental illness used like a punching bag? I don’t hear anyone making jokes about wheelchairs or people with Spina Bifida. No one would say “I wish I had a Chari 1 malformation” or “I wish I had Rickets so I could use a walking stick”.

These insults are very harmful and hurtful to people who actually have these illnesses. If you have these illnesses yourself or know someone who does, stand up for them. Tell the bully that bullying is not acceptable so they need to find other more appropriate words to express themselves. Maybe you need to buy these people a Dictionary and a Thesaurus to help them learn new words.

Mental Illness or any illness are not your punch line, so stop using them as one.

©ASD plus me 2019. meme sarcasm

Thoughts

More struggles

I saw my LAC on Friday and she gave me some numbers. I was already anxious so when I spoke to her, I cried and other staff in the office saw. She asked if I was overwhelmed and I nodded because its hard for me to make words when my brain is filled with tears.

After thinking about it, I won’t bother changing. I assume they will all be the same, so what’s the point? But I really want a new cleaning company. And to relocate.

I told the LAC that I want to quit, but she said don’t do that, I should just do one thing at a time. There’s no rush. My brain almost exploded with words I can’t say, so I nodded and left.

Then went to Aldi afterwards and forgot to get a trolley again. I’m used to Woolies, where you can just grab a trolley and don’t need to hire one.

But I’m home now and trying to rest. I might put on some birds sounds and try to have a nap, then decide what to do later.

©ASD and me 2019

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Frustrated Aspie · Struggle · Thoughts

Contact made

I called my LAC again today Thursday and finally she answered. I’ve been trying to contact her since the 28th of August and today at 3pm she answered. Open the champagne!

She gave the excuse of I’m so busy. Non stop.

So she didn’t even have time to take a few seconds to acknowledge my call or SMS? I need to go into her office tomorrow at 10am. If she’s not there, I’m calling the NDIS to make a formal complaint and fucking have them fired again and demand that I’m moved to a different company.

I’m allowing my anxiety speak to me I know, but its been over 2 weeks trying to contact her.

I really want to know if anyone else is getting messed around? Are they having as shitty time as I am?

I really don’t know what to do. I’m stuck. I’m so angry that I don’t even want to go see her because I know I’ll cry or get angry. I really want to say: WTF are you doing?

Do you know what a phone is?

I’m sorry if my disability is causing you employment!

I’m sorry my cries for help are making you do the job your being paid for.

Maybe I should put these on a t shirt.

©ASD plus me 2019.

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Thoughts

Volunteer work is hard

I saw an elderly neighbour last week and she asked me to do volunteer work at the church on Friday. I didn’t know how to say no, so I agreed.

Well today we both went in her car and it was okay. It was freezing outside. The wind was icy. Inside the storeroom was very messy. We had to move lots of boxes and bags to organise shelves and lots of groceries and toiletries for a give away they hold for people on a low income.

I moved boxes and lifted boxes till my back, arms and legs hurt. Then came home and moved a tonne of stuff on Sunday out the front of my house for the council to take away. So my back, legs and arms hurt again.

Now its Monday and I watched the council throw everything in the garbage truck and that’s one less problem. I have a million problems, but that junk in the backyard isn’t one of them anymore.

©ASD plus me ™

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Thoughts · Uncategorized

More stress, hassle and anxiety

I called my LAC (Local Area coordinator) today who was meant to be supporting me with my NDIS plan. She isn’t. So I called the NDIS to ask if I could change and I couldn’t understand some things the man on the phone said. Something like they aren’t responsible for my case because they gave it to the LAC, or something.

When he put me on hold I cried. I tried to stop. I told myself just wait until the call is finished then I can cry as much as I want to. When he came back, he said my LAC company would call me back. I really hope they do. If they don’t, I’ll call the NDIS back again tomorrow.

I can’t believe I’ve had my plan for more than a month and almost nothing has happened. I’m so tired of my time being wasted and being disappointed by people letting me down. I just want help to recover. I’m not asking for miracles, just some nice encouraging words and some helpful actions.

©ASD and me 2019™

Frustrated Aspie · Thoughts

I’m so disappointed

After the cleaning woman left on Monday, I started getting ready. It was almost 1pm when I tried to start the car. It just made gargle noises. I tried a few more times, but nothing. Bf came out to test the car and it didn’t like him either, so he had to get the battery charger from the garage.

I cried for a while because I was really looking forward to meeting some women at the group, but I missed it. It made me think, is this some sign from the universe, warning me not to go? Or is it just a flat battery. If so, how did it go flat? It worked fine yesterday. I have no idea. Thinking too much hurts my head and makes me cry more.

I looked on the NDIS website and found a 399 page PDF document with all the registered NDIS providers for NSW. At least, the title says NSW, but there are other state as well. Its difficult to read because of the tiny font.

It seems like I have hit a brick wall again. I made 2 phone calls, 1 email and 1 message, but no replies yet. Hopefully this new place I sent an email to will call within 24 hours as they claim to on their website.

Update: Its 2 days later. They haven’t. How can someone not reply to a call or message from a client when that is their job?

©ASD plus me 2019™

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