Online book club update

I’ve finished those books and donated them to the local library. They said they didn’t have the Alice book or the third Rosie book, so were grateful.

I have donated good books before and I like seeing them on the shelf, knowing that they are being used and looked after.

I dont know what my next fiction book will be. I borrowed some cook books, so will read them first, then see how I feel.

Has anyone read a good book lately?

(c)ASD plus me 2019.


ASD · Autism · Thoughts

They said yes!

The NDIS called me yesterday and said I was accepted.

I have an appointment on the 2nd of July.

They also send me paperwork to fill in and take with me to the appointment.

My head is filled with thoughts, but they are like a hurricane, so it hard to sort through them to write down and record. It sounds like a lot of bees buzzing in a hive.

I just hope they can actually help me recover. I really hate being depressed, anxious, helpless. It has robbed me of most of my life, so hopefully now I can reclaim it and he healthier and happier.

Even if not happier, just not sad would be good.

(c) ASD and me 2019.


ASMR · Struggle · Thoughts

Trying to record ASMR audio is difficult with tinnitus

ASMR means Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It if you listen to it, its meant to give you tingles on your skin and spine. Some people love it, some don’t get the tingling. I have felt tingle a few times and its a very strange sensation, like a feather gentle touching your skin.

This past year, I’ve been trying to record ASMR videos. It has been extremely difficult for me for many reasons.

1. I’m not very “techie”, so it takes me ages to learn new software. I get frustrated easily and have lost my patience, so I usually quit.

2. I now have sometimes very loud tinnitus, so its hard to tell the difference between my tinnitus and white noise on the recording. Turning the volume up just makes it worse.

3. I really have no ideas what I’m doing. I have done loads of research, and found the best equipment is very expensive.

4. My Samsung phone is great to use as a phone, but not as a recording device. Everything sounds tinny and a bit distorted and has lots of white noise and I have no idea how to remove it.

5. Its extremely difficult to find a place that has NO background noise. I even went to a national park, and it has car engine noise from people driving past.

I want to do this to have some purpose to my life, than just shopping and endless house work and waiting for the NDIS to hurry up.

It doesn’t matter what I do, I seem to always struggle. Other people seem to cruise along, yet I’m almost drowning and need a floating life preserver.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

-life-preserver meme


Still waiting to hear from the NDIS

I’m still waiting to hear from the NDIS. I’ve been calling occasionally and every time its the same answer: your application is still processing.

I know there are probably people who are more disabled than me and need help more, but I still really need help.

I don’t want to call too much because i might cry and I hate crying, especially on the phone, also because might get anxious which people usually misinterpret as anger. I know the people who answer the phone are only doing their job and have nothing to do with the processing of forms, so I don’t want to be rude to them. I’ve volunteered in a neighbourhood centre where I answered the phone and sometimes callers were rude and that was hard to ignore.

I only lasted a year.

I guess all I can do is wait and hope they get to me soon and dont lose my paperwork.

(c) ASD and me 2019

Movies · Thoughts

I watched The shape of water

I watched The shape of water and I loved it. I identify a lot with the main character, Elsia.

Its not a cheesy B grade monster move, like Creature from the Black Lagoon, its a beautiful love story about being brave, doing what’s right, following your heart, finding happiness, love and your true self.

I think the antagonist is meant to be an alpha male, but I just think he’s an aggressive, abusive jerk. You can’t build yourself up by holding other people down. You may think you’re superior, but really, you’re just dragging yourself down with them.

I think this movie is about accepting peoples differences, and accepting yourself, as a human with flaws. The main character is mute and has felt lacking or defective in some way her whole life. I empathise, since I’ve always felt different and lacking something, I’m clearly different from other people, I don’t understand them and they don’t understand me.

This movie has hidden meanings, it reminds me of the book Who moved my cheese? which on the surface, seems like its about mice looking for cheese in a maze, but its really a metaphor for accepting change in your life.

I’ve seen mixed reviews, but I suggest you watch the movie and make up your own mind.

(c) ASD and me 2019