After my panic attack on Friday, I feel better. I thought about why I was upset and anxious and I don’t want to feel that way anymore. This won’t stop me from feeling it, but, I want to try and be more positive now.
Bf reminded me that I’m way in front of where I was a year ago. I was just calling the NDIS this time last year to apply for the first time, and now, I’ve been accepted.
I think one of the reasons why I was so anxious and distraught, was that I was hoping for a “cure”. I’ve spent my whole life, trying to find a way to “fit in” or “be normal” or “be cured”. I was hoping more than I realised, that that was one thing I was hoping to get from the NDIS funding.
But now I think about it, its ridiculous and ignorant of me to think that I need a cure or can get a cure from an agency of people who have never met me and only have a few letters from doctors.
I had a cleaner from a cleaning company inspect my house and send me a quote today, so maybe things will turn out well. I just need to not put tonnes of pressure and expectations on things then get crushed by disappointment when things don’t turnout exactly perfect like they were in my thoughts.
I also need to focus on more important things, like recording more videos for my ASMR YouTube channel. I only have one video so far, but I want to make more. I’ve been trying to record audio, but it’s hard to get clean sound with no talking or traffic.
©ASD plus me 2019.