Thoughts

You Tube videos I like

I haven’t been feeling the best lately and don’t know what to write. I don’t want to just complain about everything, so I took a break from blogging.

I had my birthday, then other things happened and now I’m struggling to get through summer. I have no plans for the future. Since the diagnosis, I feel that I’ve been in exile from myself or something. I’m not the person I was before, I’m a different person who is struggling with shit I used to be able to deal with.

Who am I now?

I have no life raft, no routine, and now, nothing from the NDIA. I have no idea what the hell is happening since the their last phone call made me cry. All I can think of doing is watching videos.

I watch a lot of You Tube and have found some channels I really enjoy watching and wanted to share some with my readers:

Foo the flower horn: Beautiful videos about a fish who lives in a tank with plants.

Ask a mortician: Answers all your questions about death and the funeral process.

Fish whisperer: Cool videos of fish and turtles being fed.

Sean Hogan: I recently found this channel. A man finds sounds and makes songs with them.

Captain Disillusion: Funny debunking videos from the Internet.

The Minimalists: I found these two through a Netflix documentary. I’ve become a bit of a minimalist myself, but mainly because I really hate clutter, excess cleaning and wasting money. I also find clutter, chaos and mess very stressful and over whelming.

Fluffee: A Canadian man comments on funny photos from the Internet.

Jessica Kellgren – Fozard: Is a disabled woman who makes videos on a wide range of topics.

The Outsider: He built a log cabin with his father in the Canadian woods. This is what I really want to do.

My self reliance: Another channel where a Canadian man builds a log cabin and walks around in the snow.

Tito the raccoon: A man who has a raccoon for a pet.

Elvis the Alien: An American man who make funny commentary about silly you tube videos.

Sgt Ducky: An Irish man make videos about things that annoy him.

Grade A under a: English man who used to make funny stick figure videos. Hopefully he’ll make more soon.

Rachel Maksy: Woman who make tutorials on vintage fashion.

Isaac Butterfield: Australian comedian.

Momma Doctor Jones: An OBGYN doctor who talks about health issues.

Chicken on a raft: I’m normally not into obscure things, but for some reason I love the original version of this song and the video. I found it many years ago. Just to warn you, this song is very catchy.

These are the ones I can think of now, but there’s lots more.

I’ve been wanting to make my own channel for years now, but I’m insecure about showing my face on the Internet. I guess that says a lot about my lack of confidence and self esteem.

(c)ASD plus me 2020.

Thoughts

Am I stuck in Red tape?

I’ve been feeling more stressed than usual because the NDIA is screwing me around again. A woman called to ask if I wanted my review cancelled. A review that took me months to get help for and tonnes of effort on my part, she wanted me to cancel. She said it was probably going to be rejected anyway. I really do not understand the NDIA or some of its actions.

So now, after that caller with a very strong accent I could barely understand, I have NO idea what is happening and I’m extremely stressed and confused. And also, I will probably be forced to wait until August for my review. This phone call was back in January, so they want me to wait over 6 more months to get an answer to if they will actually give me assistance with my disabilities. So the 2 previous years weren’t enough of my life wasted, I have to wait longer for them to decide if I qualify for the help I actually need and asked for or to be grateful with the crumbs they have already thrown at me.

I am baffled by this behavior.

Is this what they call help? Making claims of giving me assistance, getting my hopes up, then smashing them to tiny pieces, then smashing them again and again to the point where I want to tell them to shove it.

If their goal was make me feel worse or extremely stressed, so much so I had a huge panic attack yesterday that has made me feel so useless all I could do was cry on my bed?

Goal fucking accomplished.

The call was actually weeks ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel so hopeless and low, I barely feel like writing or doing anything but watch tv and sleeping.

(c) ASD and me 2020.

2020 · Food · Recipe

Eating the alphabet: c

I wasn’t as prepared for this letter meal as I was for the other two. During my C food search I found:

carrots, chicken, chocolate, cauliflower, chicken stock, crackers, cheese, cucumber, corn, caviar, crab, chips, crepe, celery, chick peas, cherries, chives, cabbage, cottage cheese, cashews.

I had a box of custard pudding powder (that I love) already in the pantry, so I made that. I sprinkled some cinnamon over the top and enjoyed it. Then I remembered I had some chicken stock, because I have wanted to make my own noodle bowl for a long time.

We used the green leaves of silverbeet chopped instead of Bok choy, added sliced mushrooms, some noodles we had left over and some hard boiled eggs sliced in half.

The photo didn’t work because the flash was still on, but I took a good photo of the custard tart (which tasted better anyway).

(c) ASD and me 2020.