Cleaning, Tidying · Minimalism · Thoughts

More books and stuff to give away

Finally bf let me give away some of his excess stuff. Some heavy coding and computer books. Also some fiction books including the Play book from How I met your mother, why did he still have this?  The show ended 5 years ago.

I had a container full of gardening mags and I realised while looking through them that I only buy them for the chook pictures, so out they went.

I keep going through same boxes bags to find more to give away. More watercolour art books. Pads and supplies. More childhood teddies and some toys.

I found a bunny my Nan gave me when I was younger, I want to give that to my Niece.

More art books to give away to women at art group.

Slowly chipping away at the mountain of stuff.

So exhausted.  I just want to be done. For my house to be neat and tidy, no clutter.

Hopefully soon.

©ASD and me 2019.

Dentist · Thoughts

Dental drama

I’ve been having trouble with my teeth for a long time, but these past few weeks have been really bad.

I had to get an emergency dental appointment Tuesday 19th November at 20 to 6 pm because my tooth decided it didn’t want me eating bread crust anymore and lifted again. This was very painful and made me jump every time it happened. So after the last two very expensive appointments, I had decided, this stupid tooth is gone. The dent said he could fill it with white filling stuff, but I said no, I just want it gone.

So I laid back in the chair with the dark glasses on while he stuck the needle in my gum which hurt, but then he did underneath, which hadn’t been numbed by the cream and I screamed. But he didn’t stop. It felt in my head like it would never end, but I guess it was about a minute. He’ll say nearly done, but won’t be.

Then he started extracting the tooth. I felt a lot of pressure and the assistant kept saying its just pressure, not pain. I was trying to think bout other things, and not about dying, but its hard to distract my elf with a man’s hands in my mouth.

Then, finally, it was out. I looked at this thing, this small piece of tooth, brown and red, and held it. It was in pieces because of the fillings and the root canal sticks, and the denture glue he had used to repair the last cracked piece. I wanted to be angry at it, ask it why it was so painful and so costly, but that’s silly. Its just a body part I didn’t look after properly.

It was hard to get to sleep, but I woke up the next morning with blood on my pillow case, but my tooth wasn’t bleeding, just raw and a bit painful sometimes. I’m living on baby food and have so far eaten chicken and veges, chicken and peas, beef and veges. This baby food is so much better than eating just rice pudding and junk. I even found a baby food with Quinoa, for fancy babies.

I look like a pirate or a witch with my missing tooth. I should have done this at Halloween and made it my costume.

I need to wait three months before deciding what to do about the new gap. Maybe I can scare the neighbour kids till then.

©ASD and me 2019.



Heat and fire are best friends.

We’ve had smoke here almost every day for a week. Every time I look out the back windows, it looks like the sky is full of brown fog. I made the mistake of looking up the fire service website and there are two fires near my location, not one like I thought before. One is under control, but the other is burning through a national park.

It makes me feel anxious and worried and helpless, to think that this action of nature, can kill and destroy us. It holds no grudges, simply burns all who stands in its path. I feel sorry for the small wildlife who are trapped or can’t run fast, like the Koalas.

Everyday I look at government weather reports and pray for rain. I’m not an especially religious person, but if I did believe in a higher power that is stronger than me, I want it to bring rain. Sweet relief from the heat. The stifling, dehydrating heat.

I have to trick my mind by saying that I can eat some chocolate and it will be fine. The little child in me want to cry and roll up in a ball, and yell I don’t the fire here, or I don’t want to go to the dentist and have his hands in my mouth. But the adult is practical and says if we remove the tooth, the pain will stop and then we can eat healthy food again.

I’m also totally confused why some people are such selfish, inconsiderate jerks. They seem to not notice the sky filled with dust. They are too busy smoking or fighting, or blasting loud music. They would rather stick their head in the dirt or a puff of smoke than help.

I have always hated summer. That’s why I moved to a cooler place. I prefer winter clothing and winter foods. I can breathe and actually move without sweating. The other day, a man walked past us, and flicked his lit cigarette on the the road and kept walking. I stomped it out and wanted to yell something, but bf said don’t bother, he doesn’t care. That man’s actions really angered me and I thought about it all day.

The forecast claims to have rain coming, so hopefully it does and the fires are extinguished.

©ASD and me 2019.

Dentist · Thoughts

Tooth problems and dentist

Tuesday night about 3 weeks ago,  I was watching tv with bf when my front tooth clicked very loudly. I looked in the mirror, touched the tooth and it wobbled and hurt. I could see it sticking out a bit in the mirror. I cried because I was worried about the pain, the dentist cost and vanity. I don’t want to look like a witch pirate.

I didn’t sleep well that night. I was worried about bumping it.

Next day, while preparing to leave for dentist appointment, I was looking at the logs and mess in our driveway and I could hear the jerk across road, that I’ve spoken of before, playing loud music or Tv that I could hear and was out front staring at me. I thought this was strange, was he listening to our boring chat about how messy the front yard was?

When we drove away, I thought maybe he was trying to be a bratty child, like “I have the tv up loud, what you gonna do about it?” He’s a low life and I have no time for losers, especially since my jaw was aching.

I saw a different dentist this time. I had booked a teeth cleaning, but wanted her to check the wobbly tooth. She said to wait 2 weeks then come back. The plaque felt like rocks so I had to keep spitting, also because my mouth was full of saliva. The assistant kept bumping my tooth with the hose which hurt and really annoyed me. Then they charged me $36 for a fluoride treatment, which was insanely sweet and bubblegum flavoured, so I guess they gave me the kids one.

I can’t eat properly. I can only eat things with low or no sugar. I can only eat on the right side of my mouth and use back teeth. I can try to mush bread and salmon with my tongue if I cut it small.

I keep bumping the tooth and it moves forward, which is painful and my gum aches. I have to gently move it back. Then press my lip over it.

I have 2 choices:

Live with the pain

Remove the tooth and look like a pirate.

I dont know what to do. I just want whatever isn’t painful, and allows me to eat normal food and chew; I’m tired of junk and baby food.

©ASD plus me 2019.

Frustrated Aspie · Thoughts

Unexplained gut pain again.

Last Thursday the 14th, I had gut pain again. Not long after I had woken up, I started to feel bad. My gut was cramping again, then the dry heaving began as well. I don’t know if it was because my stomach was empty, but I didn’t bring up food; I only had the dry retching and some fluid.

I tried to sit on the toilet, but nothing happened down south, so I thought I would watch YouTube till I felt better. The symptoms lasted about 20 minutes, then both stopped.

I don’t know if these symptoms are from IBS, I just want them to stop. The randomness of the symptoms is annoying, but mostly I hate the retching feeling. I don’t mind vomiting if there is a reason, but I can’t see any reason for this, which makes me anxious.

I sometimes wish I could appear on the Diagnosis show on Netflix, where a doctor and the New York Times ask the public if they have any ideas or suggestions through Crowdsourcing.

Fun fact: The medical term for Vomiting is Emesis.

©ASD and me 2019.


Second meeting.

I saw the Community Visitor person for the second time on Tuesday. It was okay. We walked around the park and I took photographs for my online course, then we drove to a nursery and I saw that plants were on sale, so I bought 10 small hedge plants. I plan to start another hedge when the front garden bed is built.

I hope these outings get better. At the moment they are nice, but I want to go places I haven’t been before. I appreciate that she’s trying to help me, but I can drive around my own town myself. I guess we can’t go too far since we only have 2 hours. If I find somewhere farther away then I may suggest it and we can get a time extension.

©ASD and me 2019.

Food · Thoughts

Food to help with ASD

I’ve been trying to find good healthy food to eat since I received my Autism testing last November. There are so many websites and opinions its confusing. I’m not sure who to believe.

So I’m just going to make sensible judgements and decide to eat as healthy as I can. I’ve had painful teeth lately so haven’t been able to chew, which is driving me crazy because I eat soft mushy foods, like rice pudding, which is full of sugar and junk. My digestion, skin and health has suffered and I can’t take it anymore. I have no energy to do thing, I tire easily, get puffed out more easily then I used to and have bad gut reactions, like flatulence, that I didn’t have before.

So basically, I feel like garbage. I feel more stressed and very reactionary to small things, I can’t concentrate for long, I get distracted very easily, I can’t even concentrate on reading properly. I can’t continue like this, so I need to severely change my diet for my health and well being.

1. Eat more cruciferous veges: Kale, Cauliflower, Cabbage, Brussels sprouts, Bok Choi, Water cress, etc.

I’m currently growing kale and spinach in a vege patch in my backyard. I bought seedlings from the supermarket and planted them. There are lost of salad recipes I could chop then up finely and add to. I don’t add chemicals so my vege are intentionally organic. The insects enjoy some kale too and I don’t mind sharing. To clean, I rise in a bowl of cold water and shake off.

2. Cut out junk processed foods: processed white bread, biscuits, pretzels, rice cakes, chips, etc.

I didn’t eat many of these to begin with and I hate pretzels, but really need to cut these things out completely. I’ve been saying this for many years and I may stop for a while , but then I slip back into bad habits because processed food are easier than cooking and cleaning.

I ate some KFC chips, mash potato and gravy because they were soft and easy to eat, but my gut protested about an hour later and the next day. I always think, it will be different this time, but I always regret eating junk afterwards.

3. Have probiotics:

Live cultures in yoghurt like Valia or Yakult, or yoghurt that contains the ABC strains.

I have been eating a lot of yoghurt because of the stupid anti- biotics I had before and because of my tooeth issues. Im getting tired of it, but I can only eat a small amount of food so it will need to do till my teeth are repaired.

4. Foods I like:

bananas, black beans, almonds, cashews, avocado, coloured varieties of rice, chia seeds, porridge, A2 milk, white potatoes, sweet potatoes, different varieties of kale.

I haven’t been eating healthy lately and not just because of my teeth. I have a dentist appointment and I don’t care if I have to live with a missing front tooth, if it means I can go back to eating normal healthy foods and not junky rice pudding.

5. Keep a food diary:

I started one, then forgot and stopped doing it. I regret letting it lapse. I guess when my teeth are healed, I can start again and hopefully repair the damage I’ve done to my gut.

©ASD and me 2019.

dr tran
Pleas note: Dr Tran is not a doctor.

Today I rushed and panicked and just tired myself out.

There are fires in parts of NSW and I’m worried. My psychologist and another doctor called to cancel our appointments because they need to go home and stay home tomorrow.

The NSW Fire Service made a public announcement that they want people to leave early and evacuate their homes because they can’t guarantee that a fire truck can get to you. They’re even getting extra trucks and staff up from Victoria to help fight the fire.

I started rushing so I could get stuff done and tried to rush my bf to do some things as well. I said I wasn’t worried about the fire, but I was, I just didn’t admit to it. He said there’s no smoke in the sky here.

Even though I don’t like where I live and want to move elsewhere, I don’t want my house to burn down. We have special cladding installed on the outside of our house which is meant to be fire proof, but I’m still worried.

I needed to do some shopping and I rushed through it. I forgot some things from my list, but I just wanted to get stuff done then get home.

With dropping stuff off at Vinnies and the shopping, I was gone less than an hour. When I arrived home, he said “you were quick. I knew you were panicking about the fire”.

Living in the mountains has beautiful trees and mountains, big blue skies and a canvas of clouds but also dangers, like bush fires. I’m rethinking seriously about buying land now. I also don’t like that I let myself panic, when it doesn’t nothing but use up my energy and confuse my brain. I thought I was past this, but it seems I have a lot more work to do.

©ASD and me 2019.Fire-Meme.jpg


First meeting.

Yesterday I saw the Community Visitor person and it was okay. We talked, looked at some cards, filled out forms, then went for a walk down the hill to the park, then back up to her office.

I agreed to attend a group this Thursday with other clients, but now I’m kind of regretting it. These people will be locals and I’m worried about people knowing about my disabilities. I have a gossipy neighbour and after all the trouble I’ve had in the past, I don’t want anymore.

Hopefully this group will be beneficial. I’m not expecting to make friends, just to get out of the house for a few hours and maybe meet some nice positive

©ASD and me 2019