Thoughts

Am I stuck in Red tape?

I’ve been feeling more stressed than usual because the NDIA is screwing me around again. A woman called to ask if I wanted my review cancelled. A review that took me months to get help for and tonnes of effort on my part, she wanted me to cancel. She said it was probably going to be rejected anyway. I really do not understand the NDIA or some of its actions.

So now, after that caller with a very strong accent I could barely understand, I have NO idea what is happening and I’m extremely stressed and confused. And also, I will probably be forced to wait until August for my review. This phone call was back in January, so they want me to wait over 6 more months to get an answer to if they will actually give me assistance with my disabilities. So the 2 previous years weren’t enough of my life wasted, I have to wait longer for them to decide if I qualify for the help I actually need and asked for or to be grateful with the crumbs they have already thrown at me.

I am baffled by this behavior.

Is this what they call help? Making claims of giving me assistance, getting my hopes up, then smashing them to tiny pieces, then smashing them again and again to the point where I want to tell them to shove it.

If their goal was make me feel worse or extremely stressed, so much so I had a huge panic attack yesterday that has made me feel so useless all I could do was cry on my bed?

Goal fucking accomplished.

The call was actually weeks ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel so hopeless and low, I barely feel like writing or doing anything but watch tv and sleeping.

(c) ASD and me 2020.

2020 · Food · Recipe

Eating the alphabet: c

I wasn’t as prepared for this letter meal as I was for the other two. During my C food search I found:

carrots, chicken, chocolate, cauliflower, chicken stock, crackers, cheese, cucumber, corn, caviar, crab, chips, crepe, celery, chick peas, cherries, chives, cabbage, cottage cheese, cashews.

I had a box of custard pudding powder (that I love) already in the pantry, so I made that. I sprinkled some cinnamon over the top and enjoyed it. Then I remembered I had some chicken stock, because I have wanted to make my own noodle bowl for a long time.

We used the green leaves of silverbeet chopped instead of Bok choy, added sliced mushrooms, some noodles we had left over and some hard boiled eggs sliced in half.

The photo didn’t work because the flash was still on, but I took a good photo of the custard tart (which tasted better anyway).

(c) ASD and me 2020.

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Wait, what’s happening in China?

So much for having a peaceful new year. The fires are over and I wanted to relax, breathe deeply and write a novel.

But no.

There’s a new virus outbreak in China called the Corona virus. I wasn’t worried at first when I thought it was just in China because Australia is far away and we are gert by sea. But now I’m reading that we have the virus here, so I’m worried.

Bf isn’t worried, but I am and I don’t want to wait until its too late and shelves are empty. People laugh at Preppers, but I think being prepared is human instinct. I prepared for the fires, so I need to prepare for this.

Food:

Buy large plastic bottles of water incase the pipes are damaged or fill with brown water.

Buy tinned food like soup, baked beans, small tins of tuna or chicken.

Dry noodles and pasta that can be cooked in hot water.

Shelf milk in a carton.

Jars of sauce and pesto.

Mouthwash with alcohol.

Buy things that will have a long shelf life that you buy anyway, like peanut butter and rice.

Baby powder formula and tinned baby food if you have a baby. Adults can eat this too.

Equipment:

Buy masks in a box.

Latex gloves for first aid, leather gloves for carrying firewood and to prevent splinters.

Medicine.

Saline for rinsing eyes.

Extra fuel or wood for the fireplace.

Blankets incase you run out of wood or the power goes out.

First aid equipment Band Aids, bandages, Dettol, sharp stainless steel scissors, snake and spider bite kit, etc.

Baby wipes or wet wipes.

Micro fibre clothes that can be washed and reused.

Toilet paper in plastic packaging.

Hand cleaner with a high alcohol content. I don’t like this stuff because it stings my hands a bit when I rub it in, but if it saves my life then I’ll use it.

Pack a bag of clothing. Think of hiking clothes and study boots that will protect your feet if you need to walk over broken glass or gravel.

There’s no need for panic. Just buy extra to prepare for the unexpected, watch a trusted news service in your area and ask the local doctors what is happening and what you should do.

You probably already have some of this stuff in your home, so go look for it.

(c) ASD and me 2020

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What not to say to a person with Autism #2

Why are you always reading, you read a lot, what you reading for?

My favourite response to this is from Bill Hicks: so I don’t have to be a fucking waffle waitress.

Yes I read, can you? Its a new invention called a book. Are you confused because its not filled with pictures?

This goes with the you’re so quiet question. Does this count only for books, or is it for people reading newspapers as well? I’ve never seen a newspaper reader be interrupted with stupid questions.

What you keeping up with current events for? What, the Earth is round? Vaccines are safe?

You’re just crying to get attention

No, I’m really not. I have heard this many times and it makes me so angry. I try to stay away from these people. Sometimes when I cry, I have a panic attack and I can’t stop; its very embarrassing sometimes, especially if people are staring and judging.

Its already hard for me to speak on the phone, so anything that makes it harder, makes me even more anxious. I would rather send a message then talk because then I can go through my messages if I forget what was said.

Having tinnitus also makes phone calls harder.

You looked in my direction, you smiled at me, you said hello and acknowledged my existence, so you must want to get Jiggy with it or Bump uglies.

No, I don’t. I looked at you or said hello because I’m a nice person; that’s all; I already have a bf. Even if I was single, I wouldn’t want your sweaty, vile hands to touch any part of my body.

And no, I’m not a bitch or a tease because I said hello to you then didn’t immediately jump your bones. You’re confusing me with the women in your nasty porn videos you watch way too much of.

Are you like Rain Man, Sheldon Cooper, Stephen Hawking, what superpower do you have?

No. I don’t think Rain Man had autism, I think he had Savant Syndrome. And I live in a house with my bf, not a “Mental Health Facility”.

My superpower is ignoring the endless drivel and rude comments that spew from ignorant people’s lips.

You’re so lucky you get a lot of money from the NDIS

No one had said this to me yet, but this is preemptive.

Firstly, it wasn’t luck, it was waiting a year and loads of paperwork and stress and crying and anxiety, stress and shit.

Secondly, I wasn’t given a pile of money to dive into like Scrooge McDuck. I was given paperwork telling me the amount of funding the government has allocated to me. I’m grateful that they have given me funds, but I need someone to help me use them now.

If your applying for funding, make sure you include every letter from every doctor. You won’t get in trouble for giving them too many pieces of paper, just give them everything, even if you think its not relevant. All they will do is review it and decide if they can cover that or not. I wish someone had told me this when I was signing up, it would have saved a lot of time.

(c) ASD and me 2020.

Thoughts

What not to say to a person with ASD

Why are you always reading, you read a lot, what you reading for?

My favourite response to this is from Bill Hicks: so I don’t have to be a fucking waffle waitress.

Yes I read, can you? Its a new invention called a book. Are you confused because its not filled with pictures?

This goes with the you are so quiet question. Does this count only for books, or is it for people reading newspapers as well? I’ve never seen a newspaper reader be interrupted with stupid questions.

What you keeping up with current events for? What, the Earth is round?

You’re just crying to get attention

No, I’m really not. I have heard this many times and it makes me so angry. I try to stay away from these people. Sometimes when I cry, I have a panic attack and I can’t stop; its very embarrassing sometimes. Its already hard for me to speak on the phone, so anything that makes it harder, makes me even more anxious. I would rather send a message then talk because then I can go through my messages if I forget what was said.

You looked in my direction, you smiled at me, you said hello and acknowledged my existence so you must want to get Jiggy with it or Bump uglies.

No, I don’t. I looked at you or said hello because I’m a nice person; that’s all. I already have a bf. Even if I was single, I wouldn’t want your sweaty, vile hands to touch any part of my body.

And no, I’m not a bitch or a tease because I said hello to you then didn’t immediately jump your bones. You’re confusing me with the women in your nasty porn videos you watch too much of.

Are you like Rain Man, Sheldon Cooper, Stephen Hawking, what superpower do you have?

Firstly no.

My superpower is ignoring the endless drivel and rude comments that spew from ignorant people’s lips.

You’re so lucky you get a lot of money from the NDIS

No one had said this to me yet, but this is pre emptive.

Firstly, it wasn’t luck, it was waiting a year and tonnes of paperwork and stress and crying and shit.

Secondly, I wasn’t given a pile of money to dive into like Scrooge McDuck. I was given paperwork telling me the amount of funding the government has allocated to me. I’m grateful that they have given me funds, but I need someone to help me use them now.

If your applying for funding, make sure you include every letter from every doctor. You won’t get in trouble for giving them too many pieces of paper. Just give them everything, even if you think its not relevant. All they will do is review it and decide if they can cover that or not. I wish someone had told me this when I was signing up, it would have saved a lot of time.

(c)ASD and me 2020.

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Eating the alphabet: B

I searched the internet to find food that starts with the letter B.

Bananas, Blueberries, Beetroot, Bok choy, Broccoli, Bacon, Barley, Beans, Basmati rice, Bocconcini, Bread, Barramundi, Butter, Brie, Buckwheat, Brown rice, Butternut pumpkin.

I decide to make Stir fry with Bok choy and noodles. The worst part is cutting up the chicken, since I hate touching raw chicken, then having to wash my hands a few times to make sure my hands are sterilised and clean. Bf prepared the chicken and I chopped the Bok choy, cooked it in the wok for a few minutes till it was wilted, then added to rest of the ingredients.

We made a lot so it lasted me a few meals.

I really like this new idea I have for eating the alphabet, so I plan to make one every week. I like the challenge of finding a new letter food each week.

(c) ASD plus me 2020.

Stir fry with Bok Choy and veges.

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What not to say to a person with ASD

Aren’t we all a bit Autistic?

No. Why is this even a thing people think? Would they say everyone has a bit of cancer in them? This just rude and dismissive.

You’re a hero and an inspiration.

Why? Because I get out of bed and don’t cry all day?

I hate when people say this. They may mean it in a nice way, but it still feels like I should be on a stage in a freak show for people to point and gawk at.

Soldiers fighting in wars are heroes, Doctors curing disease are heroes, Firefighters are heroes, Police who protect the public are heroes, not some women who just wakes up every day like everyone else does.

You should be proud.

Proud of what? I didn’t ask to be born with Autism, I struggle everyday with my disabilities. I hate them mostly, but there’s no cure for Autism and anxiety and depression are difficult to fix, so I have to live with them; I don’t have a choice. And suicide isn’t an option for me, so that’s why I’m trying different things, like swim lessons, art classes, online study, to see if any of them make me feel better.

You’re so sensitive and stop being sensitive.

How about you stop trying to bully me, control me, be bitchy to me and just leave me alone. I really do not need nor want you harassing me.

And yes I’m a sensitive person. I care about animals, my family, good people, world peace, all good things in the world. How about you focus on your lack of sensitivity and compassion and stop bullying people.

You’re so quiet

Yes I am quiet. How about move away from me if you want to be noisy, or smoke, or spray deodorant, or eat stinky food like curry.

And yes, I want quiet when I’m shopping because its a shop, not a nightclub and I don’t want to lose my hearing because I need to buy food.

You should eat Chilli, it’s good for you

If another person tells me to eat chilli, it’s good for you, it’s good for my digestion, it will help me loose weight, I’ll scream. I don’t know how many times I have to say I’m fucking allergic to it. How about I force you and peer pressure you to eat something you’re allergic to huh?

Also, I’m fine with my weight as it is, I don’t live on a scale like you so how about you keep your thinly veiled comments about my weight to yourself. Maybe eat some chilli, or some carbs, then you won’t be so nasty.

(c) ASD and me 2020.