Category: Thoughts

The woman who runs the cleaning company called me Friday and was rude. I knew something would happen when the cleaner worked overtime, but I didn’t think the owner would be rude to me.

She had a tone in her voice, like it was my fault the cleaner stayed half an hour longer because I made her or something. Or that I was trying to get “free cleaning” or something. The cleaner should have had a timer or something.

She was hostile and angry on the phone. I can’t believe it. And she was very judgemental. She complained I had too may dishes to wash in the kitchen and why can’t my husband clean some dishes and help out? There are 2 people living there. How fucking dare she judge me and my situation. She is paid to have staff clean my house, not judge clients houses.

I’m thinking that I’ll speak to my agency and fire this rude woman. I honestly can not believe that she would try to blame me for her mistake.

I was blown away and shocked that she spoke that way to me on the phone. I should have told her off, but I was tired and wasn’t expecting to be attacked by a rude bully.

I now see why the NDIS made the rule that WE, as the client, can pick who we want as a provider.

I don’t care how well the cleaner was at her job, I’m so tired of bullies blaming me for their mistakes. If she makes a fuss and tries to bully me and not be fired, it will still happen.

I’ve never fired anyone before and I don’t like conflict, but I need to stand up for myself and not be bullied anymore. I’m not high school anymore and haven’t been for a very long time.

Its Monday and the cleaner came again and left on time. Once again, she didn’t rinse the dishes, so I will need to wash them to remove all the suds before they dry. This really just makes more work for me, when they are meant to be making less work. Don’t know if I have the energy or even the fucks to give at the moment. I feel exhausted so will just try to rest and not worry about it.

Edit: the cleaner left early a few times, but I was still charged for 2 hours, wasn’t I?

©ASD and me 2019™

I wrote this yesterday (Monday) morning.

I have the cleaner coming over at 10am. I wonder what it will be like. I’ve never had someone clean for me while I don’t clean as well, except for my mum and boyfriend.

I have a cleaner in my house as I write and its a strange feeling. I keep peeking around the corner a bit too see what she’s doing. I can hear noises of dishes touching and pans clanging. I don’t think she’s doing a bad job, I actually feel a bit sorry for her. I’m expecting her to do things I can’t and won’t want to do my self.

I felt a bit lazy and guilty when she came in. I was a bit embarrassed by the messy cluttered state of my kitchen. I’m glad she didn’t judge me, because I would have cried. I don’t want it to be this way; I hate it! I try to clean, but its never enough. I feel like I’m always cleaning but its always the same level of mess. I even did Konmarie method of decluttering and gave away a lot of things, but its still messy.

I don’t know if I should ask her if she wants a drink of water or something. Its a women in my house, who isn’t my friend, but isn’t family or a doctor. I normally don’t allow strangers into my house, but, she does have the companies name embroidered on her work shirt.

I just looked at the time. Its 12.30 and she just left. She was meant to finish at 12pm. I don’t know what will happen now. I hope the company calls me so we can discuss the overtime.

Anyway, my house is looking a lot cleaner than it has in a long time. She was a magician to be able to remove all the cat hair from the rugs. For the first time, I’m grateful that the NDIS has accepted my application and I can get help.

I called another place earlier to get Community Access, so someone can take me places and they said they can help me find a occupational therapist, so that would be great. I can’t find one on my own.

I’m going shopping now to get a few things, then I’ll come back and fold washing, then put the clean dishes away in my now clean kitchen.

(c) ASD and me 2019

After my panic attack on Friday, I feel better. I thought about why I was upset and anxious and I don’t want to feel that way anymore. This won’t stop me from feeling it, but, I want to try and be more positive now.

Bf reminded me that I’m way in front of where I was a year ago. I was just calling the NDIS this time last year to apply for the first time, and now, I’ve been accepted.

I think one of the reasons why I was so anxious and distraught, was that I was hoping for a “cure”. I’ve spent my whole life, trying to find a way to “fit in” or “be normal” or “be cured”. I was hoping more than I realised, that that was one thing I was hoping to get from the NDIS funding.

But now I think about it, its ridiculous and ignorant of me to think that I need a cure or can get a cure from an agency of people who have never met me and only have a few letters from doctors.

I had a cleaner from a cleaning company inspect my house and send me a quote today, so maybe things will turn out well. I just need to not put tonnes of pressure and expectations on things then get crushed by disappointment when things don’t turnout exactly perfect like they were in my thoughts.

I also need to focus on more important things, like recording more videos for my ASMR YouTube channel. I only have one video so far, but I want to make more. I’ve been trying to record audio, but it’s hard to get clean sound with no talking or traffic.

©ASD plus me 2019.

I just saw that I have 20 followers and wanted to thank everyone for reading my blog.

I have so much I want to write about and lots of photos, but sometimes I’m too tired to write or edit photos.

I’m still waiting to hear from the NDIS. Every time the Postman rides past, I have to look out the window and check the letterbox for my letter. Hopefully it will arrive soon.

And winter is over in a few weeks, so there will be no more snow. When it warms up, I’ll try to record more sounds to make a YouTube channel with.

But thanks 🙂

©ASD and me 2019.