Wait, what's happening in China?

So much for having a peaceful new year. The fires are over and I wanted to relax, breathe deeply and write a novel.

But no.

There’s a new virus outbreak in China called the Corona virus. I wasn’t worried at first when I thought it was just in China because Australia is far away and we are gert by sea. But now I’m reading that we have the virus here, so I’m worried.

Bf isn’t worried, but I am and I don’t want to wait until its too late and shelves are empty. People laugh at Preppers, but I think being prepared is human instinct. I prepared for the fires, so I need to prepare for this.


Buy large plastic bottles of water incase the pipes are damaged or fill with brown water.

Buy tinned food like soup, baked beans, small tins of tuna or chicken.

Dry noodles and pasta that can be cooked in hot water.

Shelf milk in a carton.

Jars of sauce and pesto.

Mouthwash with alcohol.

Buy things that will have a long shelf life that you buy anyway, like peanut butter and rice.

Baby powder formula and tinned baby food if you have a baby. Adults can eat this too.


Buy masks in a box.

Latex gloves for first aid, leather gloves for carrying firewood and to prevent splinters.


Saline for rinsing eyes.

Extra fuel or wood for the fireplace.

Blankets incase you run out of wood or the power goes out.

First aid equipment Band Aids, bandages, Dettol, sharp stainless steel scissors, snake and spider bite kit, etc.

Baby wipes or wet wipes.

Micro fibre clothes that can be washed and reused.

Toilet paper in plastic packaging.

Hand cleaner with a high alcohol content. I don’t like this stuff because it stings my hands a bit when I rub it in, but if it saves my life then I’ll use it.

Pack a bag of clothing. Think of hiking clothes and study boots that will protect your feet if you need to walk over broken glass or gravel.

There’s no need for panic. Just buy extra to prepare for the unexpected, watch a trusted news service in your area and ask the local doctors what is happening and what you should do.

You probably already have some of this stuff in your home, so go look for it.

(c) ASD and me 2020


Its raining rain, hallelujah!

Yes, I know that title is very cheesy, so much it may make some readers lactose intolerant, but I don’t care. Its raining here!

Full on rain. Not a few spits of water, full on thunder stormy type rain. It’s amazing. It was so loud last night, it woke bf and myself up around 3am. The loud thunderous noise reminded me of when the drug dealers still rented next door and used to wake us up at 3am with their music and drumkit.

But I’m not worried. I was able to fall asleep after a while and this morning I woke up, and there were actually puddles on the ground. The grass is green, not a hay brown colour like it has been for months. Birds are sitting on the powerlines in the rain enjoying not being burned alive in the fires. They are making bird noises and flying around.

This sudden reprieve from the fires is like magic. The weather forecast claims the storms will continue till the 20th, so I hope that’s true.

©ASD and me 2020


Deleting old blogs.

I found a bunch of old books that I wrote passwords in for old blogs and social media accounts. I have been going through them, slowly, since some of the passwords don’t work and other issues.

I held onto these things for years, and for what?

I think it was because I was still hoping to be published. I guess I still can be, but it really doesn’t matter. I can start a new blog for free on WordPress whenever I want , so I don’t know why I was holding on to old blogs from 2012.

I read some of the comments and one was rude and sarcastic pointing out my spelling mistakes. I don’t know why people do this. Its called a mistake for a reason. I would have done this when I was younger, but now I don’t want to waste my time; I have better things to do.

I’m still going to write, but I won’t focus purely on getting published like I did years ago before I gave up. I wasted 10 years and received nothing but gut ache, sadness and a pile of letters.

Writing should just be fun and a way to express myself, not torture or a pain.

Who knows, I feel attached to this blog right now, but back then I was super attached to those blogs, so I don’t know how I’ll feel in the future about this one.

Honestly, it feels so good to remove and delete all this junk. What is it anyway? Nothing tangible. Nothing I can touch. I don’t care about likes or whatever, I only had social media because its expected of writer to have a platform.

I’m thinking about making new accounts, but sometimes I think its more trouble than its worth.

©ASD and me 2020.


2020 · Thoughts

I’m tired of unreliable people wasting my time.

I’m trying to stay positive this year, but sometimes its very difficult, especially when I have to rely on other people to keep their word.

I have been studying an online line course that hasn’t exactly been a disaster, but the tutor who was assigned to me I think is. She makes excuses for forgetting appointments, then says “I’m so sorry blah, blah, blah…” I mean, we have a long email chain, written with history in Gmail, that we can just scroll through. Why can’t she just look at it?

I don’t know what to make of this. One time, yes, can be a mistake, but three? How can she keep making mistakes and writing the wrong date down in her diary. It’s 2020, get it together.

I really wanted to write a bad email, but I kept typing words, then deleting words, so in the end, I said “I’m so angry I can’t even write a proper email”. I also took a screen shot of her words saying “ok 11am Friday smiley face”. I wonder how she will respond to that. Will she admit she made a mistake, or will she say she doesn’t remember typing that. No, I think she will make her usual excuse of “I’m so sorry, blaaaaaaaaahhhh”. There’s only so many times a person can apologise before it just becomes meaningless background noise.

I’m so confused and despondent. I feel like again, a pile of dirt has been dumped onto me and I now have another hard climb to get back up to where I was before; if that’s even possible.

Loud sigh

I’m angry and annoyed that this stupid women wasted my time. I won’t think about it anymore for now. I’ll put it on hold in my mind, then I’ll deal with it on Monday.

Its a new year and bf reminded me that all online study has done is made me more stressed and anxious. Is this what happens when I’m brave enough to tell someone I’m disabled and ask for help?

That was Friday, this is Monday and I’m still thinking about it. I don’t even want to check my email because I think she sent me a reply. So now I don’t know what to do.

So yeah, unless something amazing happens, I think I’m done.

©ASD and me 2020.

Meme sorry

2020 · Thoughts

2020 list: Exercise

1. Do some exercise everyday.

By exercise, I don’t mean join a gym. Gross. All those sweaty, meatbags throwing themselves around the room.

Exercise can be any form of movement, (my definition) for 30 minutes a day:

Walking around the supermarket

Walking around the shopping centre

Hanging out heavy baskets of washing

Cleaning the bath and scrubbing it, raising my heartbeat

Vacuuming and moving around the house

Moving furniture to clean behind and vacuum under

Standing at sink washing dishes

Filling or emptying dishwasher
Gardening, pulling weeds from a garden bed or vege patch

mowing lawn, trimming the edges, especially if you use a manual hedge trimmer (I don’t do these)

trimming tree branches, flowers, leaves

Carrying a full watering can down the ramp and around the backyard. I need to fill it and refill it as well so that takes at least 30 minutes or more and makes me puffed.

Trimming the wormwood hedge, which really needs it, but too hot outside for that.

Repotting, moving pots, replanting plants, picking fruit and vegetables.

I also want to walk outside, but I need to wake up very early to avoid the heat, and can’t walk far because of the smoke. I walk more during the other seasons, so I can’t wait for summer to be over.

What ever moves my body and makes me sweat, makes me puffy and makes my heart beat faster I’m considering exercise.

ASD and me 2020.


New year, same old habits I need to break.

Yesterday I made myself angry watching a video of people yelling at the PM. He tried to force a woman and a male Firefighter to shake hands after they told him they didn’t want to. After everything that has happened, and seeing new smoke near where I live, I was angry and had started typing another angry post. This one was even more angry and sarcastic than the last. But I’m glad I waited.

I thought, even if I post sarcastic remarks, it still won’t stop the fires. I’ve never met the PM and I don’t know what his thoughts are, but I don’t think we should put all the blame on him. Fires start here all the time, even before he was PM, so even though everyone’s angry by his lack of action and throwing eggs at him, I don’t want to get angry and over react. Again.

I have done many times in the past and I have always regreted it afterwards. I have bad habits I really want to break, so I have to try and change my mind and not react straight away. I need space and time to gather my thoughts.

Since my diagnosis in November 2018, I have felt more and more vulnerable. I want to tell people about my ASD, but I’m afraid of their response. I’m afraid to even tell my own mum, because we don’t get along sometimes and she has made jokes about my missing tooth. Then said I’m your mum, which somehow justifies hurting my feelings. So now I fear telling anyone. I can only really talk about it to my psychologist, who had to cancel out last appointment because of the fire.

I’m starting a list of things to try for the new year. They’re not goals, just ideas for me to try and improve my day to day life.

©ASD and me 2020.




Happy new year

Its almost the new year and I normally make resolutions like, I’m not going to eat chocolate again or I’m going to walk everyday, but I never keep them. I’m filled with zeal and sugar from all the junk I ate over Christmas and my brain is on a high.

So when I come down, normally in February around my birthday and realise I’m a year older, I come back to reality and realise that, I like good quality, mostly plain chocolate and I’m not really worried about my weight. I’m more worried about my teeth being healthy or my gut not hurting, or the arches in my feet not aching.

I still don’t know how to feel about having ASD, so I’m neutral and just trying to live like I did before I knew. That’s my intention, but it doesn’t work out that way mostly.

I do want to meet other people with ASD, especially women who were diagnosed later, like 40, but, I’m not sure what to expect. I don’t expect anyone to become my friend just because we were born with the same disability. I also don’t want anyone to expect anything from me. So conflicted.

I really want to meet new people, but I don’t want any expectations on either side and offences taken or feelings hurt. Meeting new people can be like a battle field sometimes.

Less than 10 people in the world know I have ASD, so I’m conflicted over if I should tell people. I think on one hand, it might be nice and less stressful to be “out” and free, but on the other hand, I’m scared that people will use that very personal information against me and say stupid shit.

But I don’t need to worry about that now.

Happy new year everyone.

© ASD and me 2019