Tag: Autism

Posted in ASD, Autism, Thoughts

Things are different but the same…

Posted on by Private Person

I’m glad the stupid lockdowns are over, but I’m not sure how to move forward.

What should I do with my life?

I’m taking singing lessons and I joined a choir, but is this really what I want? I don’t want to just pass time like I used to being busy. I hate wasting my life, but how do I find a path?

I want to travel to America and become a country gospel singer

I pray, but I’m still not sure what I’m meant to be feeling when I pray, but I try to do it everyday. Hopefully good things will come from it.

I don’t know if its helping my autism, or if I even know what that is yet, but I feel different to how I felt in 2021 before the cancer scare.

  1. I really want to publish a book.
  2. I really want to travel to America.
  3. I really want to become a country singer.

Maybe that’s all I need to know for now.

Posted in 2021, ASD, Autism, Thoughts

Art therapy helped me last year, now I want to publish a book…

Posted on by Private Person

Last year I started sharing my drawings on another blog, Pinterest and Instagram. Those accounts are deleted now, but I want to share some on this site so I can try to get a book published.

It really helped me last year when I was stuck at home, being anxious and depressed all the time, to draw my feelings. I’m bad at drawing and they come out crappy and crude, but they are honest, so that’s all I care about. My drawings are for me really, and I had been making them for years until last year I decided to share some. Until then, I hadn’t told a soul about them.

Some are self explanatory, but some, are really abstract and may be hard to interpret for people not living in my brain.

I hope readers enjoy them and maybe get something thing from it like I did making them.

(c) ASD and me 2021

Posted in Thoughts

What not to say to a person with Autism #2

Posted on by Private Person

Why are you always reading, you read a lot, what you reading for?

My favourite response to this is from Bill Hicks: so I don’t have to be a fucking waffle waitress.

Yes I read, can you? Its a new invention called a book. Are you confused because its not filled with pictures?

This goes with the you’re so quiet question. Does this count only for books, or is it for people reading newspapers as well? I’ve never seen a newspaper reader be interrupted with stupid questions.

What you keeping up with current events for? What, the Earth is round? Vaccines are safe?

You’re just crying to get attention

No, I’m really not. I have heard this many times and it makes me so angry. I try to stay away from these people. Sometimes when I cry, I have a panic attack and I can’t stop; its very embarrassing sometimes, especially if people are staring and judging.

Its already hard for me to speak on the phone, so anything that makes it harder, makes me even more anxious. I would rather send a message then talk because then I can go through my messages if I forget what was said.

Having tinnitus also makes phone calls harder.

You looked in my direction, you smiled at me, you said hello and acknowledged my existence, so you must want to get Jiggy with it or Bump uglies.

No, I don’t. I looked at you or said hello because I’m a nice person; that’s all; I already have a bf. Even if I was single, I wouldn’t want your sweaty, vile hands to touch any part of my body.

And no, I’m not a bitch or a tease because I said hello to you then didn’t immediately jump your bones. You’re confusing me with the women in your nasty porn videos you watch way too much of.

Are you like Rain Man, Sheldon Cooper, Stephen Hawking, what superpower do you have?

No. I don’t think Rain Man had autism, I think he had Savant Syndrome. And I live in a house with my bf, not a “Mental Health Facility”.

My superpower is ignoring the endless drivel and rude comments that spew from ignorant people’s lips.

You’re so lucky you get a lot of money from the NDIS

No one had said this to me yet, but this is preemptive.

Firstly, it wasn’t luck, it was waiting a year and loads of paperwork and stress and crying and anxiety, stress and shit.

Secondly, I wasn’t given a pile of money to dive into like Scrooge McDuck. I was given paperwork telling me the amount of funding the government has allocated to me. I’m grateful that they have given me funds, but I need someone to help me use them now.

If your applying for funding, make sure you include every letter from every doctor. You won’t get in trouble for giving them too many pieces of paper, just give them everything, even if you think its not relevant. All they will do is review it and decide if they can cover that or not. I wish someone had told me this when I was signing up, it would have saved a lot of time.

(c) ASD and me 2020.

Posted in ASD

Adrift on a sea of confusion

Posted on by Private Person

So far, I’m not impressed  and I’m very disappointed with the NDIS. I thought I would have a schedule or timetable already organised for me so I wouldn’t have to run around and do everything myself as always. I was getting excited about having things planned for me. Were my dreams finally coming true? Was I actually going to get the help I desperately needed and wanted?

No. All I have are some A4 sheets of paper with a lot if numbers and words.

It hasn’t helped me. In fact, its made me more stressed. I saw my psychologist yesterday and  she doesn’t know what to do either, said I should call the agency for help. She didn’t even know if her payment is covered by the NDIS or if I need to get another Mental Health Plan.

Honestly, if I could find a job or clean my house or do any normal thing by myself, why the hell would I ask for help? I hate asking for help, especially strangers and double especially on the phone.

I’m even more stressed now and crying as I type, because, I have “money” allocated to me, but have no idea what to do with it. And I’m afraid if I don’t use it, then it will be taken away and I’ll be worse off than before.

I called one number to ask for help, and now I’m done. My energy is gone and I want to just go back to bed, but I can’t because my house is a mess. I’m still on antibiotics and feel like shit. Everything hurts, everything is a huge effort.

I feel like I should go live in a cave sometimes. Or a cabin in the woods like Walden. if only…

I thought having government assistance would help me. Maybe in the future things will be better, more organised, less stressful and I’ll look back on this and laugh about my crazy time when I had debilitating mental illness. But for now, I’m lost in a turbulent ocean with no life raft.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in #No cure needed, Thoughts

I had a good experience in Target (for once).

Posted on by Private Person

No, that’s not a typo; I actually didn’t hate Target when I shopped there last week. I went to Big W first, and as usual, it set my Tinnitus off, so I looked quickly, but they only had ugly coral coloured lamps for sale. So I left. I was leaving the centre, when I saw Target. I don’t remember ever entering that Target location, but I really wanted a new desk lamp, so I crossed the threshold into the darkness…

No, it wasn’t that bad. The music was loud, but I was able to find the lamp my bf had, then I saw a smaller lamp for $12, that’s an even better price, so I grabbed that. Then I saw pillows for $12, so I grabbed one of those.

I went through the self service check out and didn’t noticed that the rack had no bags. I asked the staff and she said they are 15 cents now. I looked in my purse, but didn’t have change. The women looked around then said just take one, its only 15c.”

I said “are you sure? Thank you”.

That one small act of kindness, has changed my mind about that Target location. Its also so much closer to the train station and the frozen yoghurt shop, so maybe I’ll shop there instead of walking the ends of the Earth to get to Big W.

I learned something these past few months:

1. Ask the staff who is at the entrance if they sell what you’re looking for. If they don’t, then you don’t need to waste time going in.

2. Look online first to see if the shop actually sells what you want.

3. If you have a catalogue, take it with you to show staff what you want. It’s so much easier to show a picture, than to describe that you want a steam inhaler bottle, no its like that large one for babies, but this is a bottle. A bit like a babies bottle, but you put eucalyptus oil in and hot water and it makes steam to inhale. (That’s an actual conversation I had).

4. Some companies advertise that they will match a competitors price, so make them do that. Just have proof of the competitors price to prove it.

5. One last idea, do grocery shopping last, so you dont need to push a heavy trolley of groceries around with you into different shops. #Life Hack.

© ASD and me 2019.

Posted in ASD, Autism, Struggle, Thoughts

Only so many times I can complain about…

Posted on by Private Person

I didn’t realise that my blog was mainly complaining about negative things that have happened to me. I didn’t want it to be this way, but since I’m isolated and have no friends, (despite all my efforts and going very far out of my way, sometimes to just be used), I have no one else to talk to. I only see my psychologist once a month and I don’t want to burden my bf more than I already do.

Honestly, I never actually thought I would have actual followers. I’ve had many blogs and YouTube channels, but I’ve always been invisible, so thank you to the people who follow and read my blog. I only started this blog for something o do, but now I’m glad because I might meet new people.

I’ve been meaning to make more posts about food I like, food I eat, cooking, teaching myself how to sew from internet articles, YouTube videos and books I borrowed from the library.

Some quick updates:

•  I called the NDIS 2 weeks ago and they said I’ve been approved, so now I just need to wait for the agency to call me for the second meeting. I really would like to meet people my own age and maybe do some charity work or something meaningful with the time I have left.

•  I still really want to move to a different area, preferably quieter, with less houses that aren’t so cramped together. I want to live on flat ground, not a mountain side. We have a great view of the clouds, but a drive way that’s impossible for me to park in and difficult for me to drive out of.  I would love to live in Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls. I don’t know if small towns like that even exist in Australia.

•  I keep saying I’ll give up trying to make friends, but I keep doing it and keep failing. miserably. Last Thursday I attended an art group I had been to many times before. The class is mainly elderly church women and I think I’m the youngest (in my 40s). The women are nice, but I wish they wouldn’t make lunch plans in front of the class if all of the class aren’t invited. Its just rude and really hurtful to me. I ended up crying in my car afterwards. Then my bf called and I cried to him. He said these people are toxic and have no lives. This has happened before, but I keep returning, listening to peoples boring endless stories about wearing an onion on their belt which was a style at the time…

Why do I keep punishing myself? I want friends so badly, I guess I scare them away with my desperation. Is it me? I try to be nice, I try to contribute ideas etc, but I can’t break down the wall between us I guess. I know I should stop trying. Hopefully in the future things will change and get better.

(c) ASD and me 2019

Posted in #No cure needed, ASD, Autism, Frustrated Aspie, Struggle, Thoughts

My Autism is not going to be cured so stop asking me to prove it exists!

Posted on by Private Person

I have been trying to sign up to an online course and it is, of course, difficult and frustrating.

I already sent my paper work in last year, and was approved and have been enrolled, but then I wanted  to transfer.  And get help from a Councillor.

You would think that being disabled, they would make it easy for me to enroll.

But no.

When I call, its the stupid automated dialing system where you need to choose options and “Press 1”.

The first time I called, it didn’t work and there was no hold music, so I hung up and tried again. Then I was finally able to get through to a human, they needed to transfer me and force me to wait 3 minutes for someone on the other end.

This new person, although polite, told me that I needed to fill out more forms to PROOVE my disability  status.

I really wanted to scream!

So to this company, and everyone else, listen up:

1. There is no cure for autism!

2. There never will be.

3. There doesn’t need to be a cure; there is NOTHING wrong with us!

4. I really do not  want to talk about my Autism, especially to some random person on the phone.

5. Stop asking me to prove that I have it EVERY SINGLE TIME I want to study!

6. Just tick the fucking box, so I can get on with my life and stop discussing my very private health issues with strangers over the phone.

I’m going to say this again: THERE IS NO CURE FOR AUTISM!

Do not believe what some crazy trouble making bitch said on her blog, she did not cure her son’s Autism. The best you can do is get an allergy test for your child, or yourself and adjust your diet.

I am so fed up and exhausted by this shit. I just wanted to learn something to help me start a small business so I can work from home and not have to go through the agony and bullshit that are modern job interviews.

That may be my next post.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

 

Posted in ASD, Autism, Books

Online book club

Posted on by Private Person

Its freezing cold winter here in Australia, so I’ve been staying inside with the fire place burning and reading more (when I’m not watching a scary amount of YouTube and Netflix).

I finished the first two Rosie books and am onto the third. I also found an interesting book on Amazon called “Alice” by Christina Henry.

I’ll be reading these two books, so if anyone wants to read along with me then discuss in the comments below, please feel free to do so.

(c)ASD and me 2019.

Posted in ASD, Autism

Help card

Posted on by Private Person

I’ve been teaching myself how to use GIMP software and made my own Help card. I saw one on a blog, and thought it was a good idea, so decided to make my own.

help card 2

I also made this stamp, just in case anyone needs it:

sane

Please feel free to print these out and use as much as you need.

(c) ASD and me 2019.