Posted in ASD, Autism, Thoughts

Ring, ring, why won’t she give me a call?

I called the ASD psychologist Tuesday, 3 days ago and left a message with her receptionist but she hasn’t called back. I really want to freak out and cry and break things, but I’m not a child anymore, am fully grown woman, so need to think of reasons why she has me waiting in the pit of hell.

1. Maybe she has been really busy with other clients and hasn’t had time.

2. Maybe she hasn’t been in the office because she’s been ill.

3. Maybe she has had family stuff to deal with.

4. Maybe she was hit by a kangaroo. (This actually happens where I live).

5. Maybe she was abducted by aliens. ( I’ve heard rumours this has happened).

6. Maybe she secretly quit and ran away laughing maniacally with my $650 payment. (ha, ha, ha, ha, stupid ding bat; I made up ASD to steal money from clients. Its a scam).

Okay, I know these aren’t true, (or I hope their not), I’m just anxious and I let it run wild with my imagination and they aren’t my friends. They are the bad kids who sit up the back and smoke and throw spit balls and flick rubber bands at the smart students in the front row.

I’ll have to call her today.

Again.

meme fry

(c) ASD and me 2019.

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Posted in ASD, Autism, Thoughts

No answers yet

Yesterday I saw my psychologist. She didn’t have the results from the ASD psychologist, so we talked for an hour then I came home.

Its been three weeks so I guess I need to call her. I don’t like making phone calls, but I’m getting better and I am a bit more confident (sometimes) than I used to be.

I’m only really nervous calling a stranger. Making doctors appointment are okay, but I still don’t like doing it. I have no problems calling my parents or bf.

I guess I need to just do it.

Wish me luck.

quote future plans

Posted in ASD, Autism

I really want to pass the test, but what does “passing” mean?

I have an appointment today at midday. I’m anxious because I’m hoping the ASD psychologist I had the testing with, that I paid $650 for, will have sent my psychologist the results.

And I was thinking I hope I passed. But then I thought, what does pass mean?

Does it mean that actually have ASD? or does it mean I don’t have ASD?

I’m okay with either answer, I just really need to know. This waiting for weeks on end is driving me crazy.

If I have ASD, do I qualify for government assistance? Can I get help with job searching? I really hate being at home mostly while bf is at work. I tried the pools, but that was a disaster. Have tried other things,  but it never works out. I get cabin fever mostly, but have nowhere to go and have no friends, so I’m trapped in a dark tunnel alone and afraid.

If I don’t have ASD, then what the hell is wrong with me? I know I have anxiety disorders, and IBS, but what else? What else could be lurking in the dark cave of my mind?

I really hate this!

I need to know now!

Do I have ASD or not?

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Posted in ASD, Books

Books with ASD #1: The curious incident

The curious incident of the dog in the night time – Mark Haddon

This novel is about a boy with Autism who goes outside one night to find a dog he likes dead in the yard, then decides to investigate.

Its been a few years since I’ve read it, but I think its written in first voice from the boys perspective, so we get his thoughts.

I don’t want to spoil anything, I’ll just recommend it to everyone to read, especially if you want to understand the thoughts and actions of autistic children and possibly children with mental illness.

This is one of my favourite books. I saw it in an Op shop and liked the cover so I bought it. I saw the play advertised, but unfortunately I missed it.

If you know someone who has an autistic child and they struggle to understand them, maybe you could give them this book to read.

curious

Posted in ASD, Autism

Do I have ASD? Wait and see.

Today was okay. We woke early and drove for 90 minutes to get to the suburb the office was in by 8am. But since we weren’t familiar with the streets and didn’t know if the doctor had parking for patients, we had to park in the K mart carpark from the previous visit to the ear surgeon last week. Bf went to work and I walked for 20 minutes to get to the doctors office.

It was in an area I would call industrial. Full of mechanics, muffler wholesalers and tyre sellers. It was up the back, so I looked for the number, then cautiously proceeded. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the number large above the door. I walked up and saw black gates. I looked around again. Then I saw a sign with my doctors name on it so I pressed the buzzer. I was told to come through the gate and sit in the lounge area and wait. It started at 10 am.

The testing lasted for over 3 hours. It cost $650 with no Medicare rebate. Was it worth it? I guess we’ll just have to wait a few weeks and see.

waiting-meme

Posted in Thoughts

Thoughts #3

I just called to confirm my ASD testing for Thursday 10 am, and was told that the testing will take 3 hours. Now I’m thinking, holy crap what the heck will happen in this testing? How many questions will the doctor be asking?

I’ve been waiting for almost 2 months, but I’m still not ready. If I have ASD, what does that mean? Can I FINALLY get government assistance? Will people now believe I actually have something wrong with me and I’m not just lazy?

And what if I don’t have ASD? What will that mean for my future? Will I have wasted $650 for nothing? I wonder if I can get a part rebate from Medicare.

Too may questions are buzzing around in my head again, or as I call it “the bees are back”. I just need it done.

I really need to know, do I have ASD?

meme chaos