So far, I’m not impressed and I’m very disappointed with the NDIS. I thought I would have a schedule or timetable already organised for me so I wouldn’t have to run around and do everything myself as always. I was getting excited about having things planned for me. Were my dreams finally coming true? Was I actually going to get the help I desperately needed and wanted?
No. All I have are some A4 sheets of paper with a lot if numbers and words.
It hasn’t helped me. In fact, its made me more stressed. I saw my psychologist yesterday and she doesn’t know what to do either, said I should call the agency for help. She didn’t even know if her payment is covered by the NDIS or if I need to get another Mental Health Plan.
Honestly, if I could find a job or clean my house or do any normal thing by myself, why the hell would I ask for help? I hate asking for help, especially strangers and double especially on the phone.
I’m even more stressed now and crying as I type, because, I have “money” allocated to me, but have no idea what to do with it. And I’m afraid if I don’t use it, then it will be taken away and I’ll be worse off than before.
I called one number to ask for help, and now I’m done. My energy is gone and I want to just go back to bed, but I can’t because my house is a mess. I’m still on antibiotics and feel like shit. Everything hurts, everything is a huge effort.
I feel like I should go live in a cave sometimes. Or a cabin in the woods like Walden. if only…
I thought having government assistance would help me. Maybe in the future things will be better, more organised, less stressful and I’ll look back on this and laugh about my crazy time when I had debilitating mental illness. But for now, I’m lost in a turbulent ocean with no life raft.
(c) ASD and me 2019.