Posted in Frustrated Aspie, Noise, Struggle, Thoughts

I’m a customer, not a criminal, so don’t treat me like one.

I went to a Big W yesterday. It used to have good quality clothing, but in the last few years, I’ve noticed a change to more cheap, low quality clothing, a lot more of polyester and crap I can’t wear. For over 20 years, I have shopped and chosen Big W over other brands and have been a loyal patron.

But this will change after yesterday.

I wanted to find a lamp. I hate the ones at the local Target, so I waited a week to visit Big W so I could go while visiting my parents. I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find any. And while I was searching, I noticed how messy and untidy the shop was.

I think they have forgotten they were a department store, not a Rave, and loud music was blasting through the overhead speakers. This started my Tinnitus and I decided to leave. I had wasted about 20 minutes and that was enough, so walked towards the exit.

Now, on my arrival, I had noticed the security guard and had hesitated for a second to enter, but then I saw an immigrant woman with  a handbag twice the size of mine walk past unharassed, so I thought it would be safe to enter. Gee, was I fucking wrong.

I had my finger over my ear to try and block the noise and walked out of the exit. The “security guard” said I need to check your bag. I said “no this is a hand bag you’re not allowed to check this”. He replied rather arrogantly “yes if its over30 cms I can”. My bag is smaller than that, so I knew this was him trying to bully or intimidate me, but I said okay and opened the zipper, pulled out a zip lock bag with pads in it and said “here look at my pads you fucking pervert!”

I was so fucking furious!

This is actually against the law. It DOES NOT apply to personal handbags. I also think I was discriminated against because of my skin colour. Normally I wouldn’t think this, but since he didn’t check the migrant woman’s bag, I am now.

I have so much more to say on this subject, but its making me angry and sad to keep thinking about it, so I’ll end by saying  this bag search thing is harmful to business and extremely hurtful to innocent people. If this is the future of customer service, I’ll stay home and buy online.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in Noise, Thoughts

Yesterday I was almost deafened in the supermarket.

Yesterday my partner said he need some things from the supermarket and asked if I could go. The sky didn’t look grey enough to rain so I went.

I was in Woolies a few minutes when the over head speakers started blasting the supermarket theme song over and over. It was so loud it was distorted. I began to panic a bit. My tinnitus started and I couldn’t think. I forgot where items were I wanted and I thought of leaving.

It was noisier in some isles, so I moved to find a quieter area. I stood near the freezers and used a pen I found on a shelf to cross off the things on my list I already had in my trolley. Then after a few minutes, the volume was turned down and was replaced by the radio.

I was grateful, but now tired and over it. I rushed through, forgot things on my list, accidentally grabbed rocket instead of spinach then went through the checkout. I drove home and was tired for the rest of the day.

This hasn’t happened before and I really hope it was a one time mistake. This is the only supermarket I like and has the food I can eat. We normally buy our groceries online and have them delivered, but there’s a fee and it takes till the next day and we needed food then so we wouldn’t waste money on take away.

So I really need to ask the question, why do shops play music or radio? Who is this for? Obviously its not for me or other ASD sufferers, so who is it for?

Is it for the staff? Is it to encourage people into the store? To trick customers into spending more money? All it does is make me angry, tired, waste my time and make me hate the shop and want to leave.

I’ve had problems in the past with delivery drivers carrying too much at once and breaking things. My partner called Woolies and they apologised, but this makes me not want to trust them. I need food to live, so I can’t just not buy food. So why do shops make it so EXTREMELY difficult to buy from them?

Also, isn’t this a work health and safety risk? Tradesmen who work with power tools have to follow WHS rules and wear protective head gear to protect them from loud noises and hearing damage, so why don’t these shops need to follow the same rules? Their extremely loud music can be as loud, or even louder than a jack hammer trying to cut through concrete.

The noise also affects shops around it. There’s a Kikki K shop I love, but its 2 doors down from an awful constructions site/nightclub/trendy shoe “experience” that I can actually still hear in the Kikki K shop. I thought many times about making a complaint, but I’m tired, mentally exhausted, so the thought of talking to a person who will ask many questions an may make me fill out a form before they get up off their bum to do something, just makes me more anxious and tired. I could buy online, but why should I? Why can’t I go to a shop without being deafened?

I read comments online and I know I’m not the only one. Hopefully shops will wake up and realise they are scaring away money (I mean customers).

(c) ASD and me 2019

Posted in ASD, Autism, Depression, Noise, Thoughts

Woken once again by noise

It’s 3 am and I’m awake. Again. Being kept awake and woken up by the barking muts next door. It truly unbelievable the shitty garbage I have to put up with from noisy idiots.

It’s really cold here, I’m shivering, but I can’t sleep. My fingers don’t work properly enough to type, but I still want to get my thoughts down.

My thought are a jumbled mess and its hard to type a coherent sentence, but I’m not giving up.  I’ve had enough of shitty behaviour from lower than cow shit idiots. I called the council again. I must be sleep deprived, but I thought it was a bit funny that when I call them they answer good morning, even though its 3 am. I guess it is morning but I haven’t slept yet.

I tried to call lifeline, but I chickened out. I don’t want to take someone away from a person who actually needs it. I’m not suicidal, just furious, hurt, upset, freezing, numb, confused and a bunch of other emotions, like an avalanche of emotions, sliding down a mountain and I’m caught, trapped, being dragged down with them.

I really wanted to speak to someone and confess loudly “I have ASD!” but I hung up. I still can’t bring myself to say it. It doesn’t feel like it me, I can’t have that. I don’t want it, I want to be normal and have a normal job and normal legs and hair and not be me, be someone who is normal. Even when I look in the mirror sometimes, I don’t feel like its me, I feel like I see someone else.

But I am me. Alone. Typing into a bright screen at 3 30 am.

(c)ASD and me 2019.

Posted in Noise, Quiet, Shows, Thoughts

Protect the quiet or it will disappear

I watched a National geographic show about a man who records natural soundscapes called an Acoustic Ecologist. He travels to quiet, remote places to record nature without noise pollution from humans.

I think this man has the best job in the world. I’ve been trying to start an ASMR channel for about a year now but no luck. I’m being very fussy about the sound quality and even bought a new camera. The audio isn’t good, it has hissing and white noise, so I looked up how to record nature sounds, and found this show.

I’m glad I’m not the only person who is worried about the disappearing quiet. It seems everywhere I go is crowded, cramped, claustrophobic. Its hard for me to relax or even not be restless. I’m so exhausted from human and animal intrusive noises. I really want to escape and live alone like Walden.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

https://rumble.com/vek2n1-asmr-frog-sounds-1-hour-for-sleep-study-meditation..html

Posted in Noise, Thoughts

I have the worst neighbours. I now believe in “Toxic men”

Its 10 to 4 am here in Sydney Australia. I was woken at about quarter to 3 am by my drunk neighbour. Again. Like it has been for the past 3 and a half years. Yes its 2019 and losers who are lower than cave man shit still exist.

I haven’t called the Police on them since 2017 when they were drunk and tried to break into my house. I live in fear of these drunks everyday.

I now believe in the “Toxic Male”. I didn’t want to believe it, but these men next door are just feral garbage. They are loud, noisy, abusive, rude, delusional, fight, caused fights in the street and are just drunk low inbred nothing.

I really do not understand people like this. How is this even a thing someone would do? What thought process (or lack of) is happening in their tiny primitive brain cell that would tell them that bashing a drum kit at 3 am is acceptable behaviour?

And they’re not even any good. I guess they think they sound like Metallica or something, but its just extremely loud noise like construction work. I know that alcohol gives people delusions of talent, but why am I forced to listen to it? I would never do that to anyone.

I called the council to make a noise complaint, who were okay, not rude.

Then I called the Police assistance line.

I was apprehensive about it since my last encounter with them was not helpful. In fact, I lost hope and faith in the Police so now I’m anxious about calling them, but I did because I wanted Police assistance. But its the same disappointment I had last time. I keep thinking they will be like a knight in shining amour to swoop in and save the day; or at least tell the troglodytes next door to lower the volume of their music.

But they’re not knights, they’re just men in blue uniforms who drive past and listen with the window open. I’m sorry, thanks for coming out and wasting petrol, but I need more than a drive by listening. Why even bother coming out if they are not even going to stop the engine? Do they think I’m lying? I’m not doing this for fun; this isn’t fun for me. Sitting at my window, waiting for them to perform a drive by listening. (ooh look here they come).

I’m not some silly child making prank videos on You tube. I’m an actual adult, needing assistance.

I guess I still have a little bit of hope left, since I voted for an ex Police Officer in the recent election.

I don’t know if I should even bother trying to go back to sleep. Its 5.30 and I’m tired. I really hate next doors random noise.

I was told this was a quiet area when we moved here.

#DriveByListening

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in Noise, Thoughts

I hate your noise. Just be quiet #1

“Everybody’s talkin’ at me,

I can’t hear a word their sayin’,

only the echoes of my mind…”

– Harry Nilsson

I hate people’s noise. I’m mean I really fucking hate peoples stupid juvenile unnecessary noise. It’s ruining more places for me, even my own home life.

For example: if you are wearing headphones, that’s great. Thank you. I appreciate you not forcing everyone to listen to your thumping garbage.

But

If you are playing YOUR music so loudly that I can hear YOUR music from YOUR head phone 2 desks away, then that’s a problem.

This happens everywhere: libraries, quiet carriage on trains, buses, shopping centres, even people walking past on the footpath. They are called headphones because their place is on your head. Not around your neck or hanging from your pocket or backpack.

So if you decide to listen to music, make sure only you can hear it. You are free to deafen yourself if you choose to, but don’t force it on other people.

(c) ASD and me 2019