Author: Private Person

Im kind of burnt out with blogging after doing it for 11 years. taking a break. Only had this blog to attract publishers anyway.
Posted in Food allergies, Thoughts

Food I can’t eat

Posted on by Private Person

I tried to research food that is healthy for ASD or Autism, but I couldn’t find proper results, only blogs speculating on their own ideas.

I can only talk about the food I eat. I try different things, but I have IBS symptoms and some things I can’t eat:

Excessively sweet: This includes almost every food, even things that shouldn’t have sugar as an ingredient, like pasta sauce or cheese. I also can’t eat some sugar substitutes and artificial sweeteners.

Garlic: a tiny amount cooked properly may be okay, but I bought frozen fish in a pouch and it was smothered in rich sauce that was overloaded with garlic. About half an hour later, my throat was on fire. I haven’t had indigestion like that since I had GERD. (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. This has the easiest test in the world).

Pepper:  I hate pepper. I can’t stand the smell either. I climbs up my nostrils and does a lot of damage.

Horseradish and Wasabi: These are actually two different plants that are related, but taste different. I hate horseradish. I read Wasabi is milder in taste so I would be willing to try some real Wasabi plant. But lets be honest, I’ll probably hate that as well.

Chili: I CAN NOT eat this or even stand the smell. I hate spices and spicy food, but this is another level of hell. I hate when people say “that’s not hot” or “its not spicy” , then I’m guilted or peer pressured into eating some, then I’m sick for hours afterwards. Why can’t people understand I can’t fucking eat it?! I don’t force my tastes on to other people, why do it to me?

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in MRI, Thoughts

I had the MRI.

Posted on by Private Person

I had an MRI on Monday. It wasn’t as bad as I had catastrophised in my head for months.

We arrived early, sat in the waiting room for a while, which is when I started to get anxious.

Then I was called in.

The Dr introduced himself as Tom. He asked me questions, and took me to a small cubicle to change. Yes, into a crepe paper gown that was black but some how felt transparent.

Then I entered the large room with the giant electronic doughnut, also know as the Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine. He gave me bright yellow ear plugs that were the size of pool noodles and stuck out from my ears a bit. I’ve never liked earplugs, but these, I like.

I laid down on the metal bed part and he gave me the buzzer button, then asked me what music I wanted, I said Classical. It was around this time I cried. The Dr was nice an reassured me it was okay.

I laid down, he put the headphones on me, put a cage thing over my head and put foam bits around my head and neck to stop me from moving.

The MRI is very loud. The earplugs and music don’t block out all the noises, just lower it to a less than deafening volume. It makes jackhammer noises, alarm noises, photographic camera aperture opening and closing noises, which I assume are the photographs of my brain.

The ceiling isn’t as low and I had thought. Its at least 30 cms above my face, possibly more. I was afraid to look up and move my neck.

You’re whole body isn’t in the tube, I’m short so I went in past my waist, but my legs were out. It would be less for a tall person.

Truth is, the MRI is loud. And closed in and not comfortable. Its not painful and things don’t touch you. Even though photographs are being taken, there is no flash or lights. The worst part is the magnetic field created heat and that made my face very hot.

I didn’t want to do the MRI, I did try to avoid it, but, I was worried more about what would happen if I didn’t have it.

Edit: I think a better name would be a “Claustrophobic Disco”.

(c)ASD and me 2019.

Posted in Thoughts

My MRI is tomorrow

Posted on by Private Person

I’m worried about my MRI tomorrow. I made the appointment weeks ago, but now I’m kinda regretting it.

I hate this thing hanging over my head. I want it done already. I don’t want to be stuck in a tiny tube while loud noises thump around me. I saw on the show House a person having an MRI, and the noise it makes.

I really hope this is worth it.

We need to travel for 90 minutes to get to the closest medical centre that actually has an MRI machine.

I really need to move away from this dead – end town.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in ASD, Autism

Help card

Posted on by Private Person

I’ve been teaching myself how to use GIMP software and made my own Help card. I saw one on a blog, and thought it was a good idea, so decided to make my own.

help card 2

I also made this stamp, just in case anyone needs it:

sane

Please feel free to print these out and use as much as you need.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in ASD, Autism, Depression, Noise, Thoughts

Woken once again by noise

Posted on by Private Person

It’s 3 am and I’m awake. Again. Being kept awake and woken up by the barking muts next door. It truly unbelievable the shitty garbage I have to put up with from noisy idiots.

It’s really cold here, I’m shivering, but I can’t sleep. My fingers don’t work properly enough to type, but I still want to get my thoughts down.

My thought are a jumbled mess and its hard to type a coherent sentence, but I’m not giving up.  I’ve had enough of shitty behaviour from lower than cow shit idiots. I called the council again. I must be sleep deprived, but I thought it was a bit funny that when I call them they answer good morning, even though its 3 am. I guess it is morning but I haven’t slept yet.

I tried to call lifeline, but I chickened out. I don’t want to take someone away from a person who actually needs it. I’m not suicidal, just furious, hurt, upset, freezing, numb, confused and a bunch of other emotions, like an avalanche of emotions, sliding down a mountain and I’m caught, trapped, being dragged down with them.

I really wanted to speak to someone and confess loudly “I have ASD!” but I hung up. I still can’t bring myself to say it. It doesn’t feel like it me, I can’t have that. I don’t want it, I want to be normal and have a normal job and normal legs and hair and not be me, be someone who is normal. Even when I look in the mirror sometimes, I don’t feel like its me, I feel like I see someone else.

But I am me. Alone. Typing into a bright screen at 3 30 am.

(c)ASD and me 2019.

Posted in Noise, Quiet, Shows, Thoughts

Protect the quiet or it will disappear

Posted on by Private Person

I watched a National geographic show about a man who records natural soundscapes called an Acoustic Ecologist. He travels to quiet, remote places to record nature without noise pollution from humans.

I think this man has the best job in the world. I’ve been trying to start an ASMR channel for about a year now but no luck. I’m being very fussy about the sound quality and even bought a new camera. The audio isn’t good, it has hissing and white noise, so I looked up how to record nature sounds, and found this show.

I’m glad I’m not the only person who is worried about the disappearing quiet. It seems everywhere I go is crowded, cramped, claustrophobic. Its hard for me to relax or even not be restless. I’m so exhausted from human and animal intrusive noises. I really want to escape and live alone like Walden.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

https://rumble.com/vek2n1-asmr-frog-sounds-1-hour-for-sleep-study-meditation..html

Posted in Shows, Thoughts

I watched After life with Ricky Gervais

Posted on by Private Person

I recently watched the Netflix show After life, written and starring Ricky Gervais.  Its about a man who is very depressed and suicidal after his wife died.

I found some of the scenes disturbing, confronting and very upsetting. I cried a lot because I felt sorry for the character. He was struggling to get through the days and you could clearly see he was in so much pain he wasn’t able to dig himself out of it.

I feel this is a well written depiction of actual depression and suicidal thoughts.

It made me think about some things that were tucked away and hidden behind locked doors in my brain. I normally try to avoid sad movies and scenes, but I’m glad I watched this show.

(c) ASD and me 2019

Posted in Thoughts

I really can not stand animal cruelty and neglect.

Posted on by Private Person

I’m finding things harder and harder to endure. I don’t know if its ASD , but I seem to hate noises certain noises even more now.

Last Thursday, next door’s dog was left home alone and it cried for hours. From 8pm almost non stop til 1am. This really upset me, made me furious and sad because I know the dog was crying over its drunk low life owner. I called the council, again and of course, nothing was done. Again.

I really hate animal cruelty. I really do not understand why someone would buy an animal, stick it in their yard and leave it.

Its not a statue! Its a living breathing creature, that actually has feelings.

The worst thing is, I can’t do anything to stop it. I’ve called the council 3 times now and nothing gets done. They have no problem wasting money on things we don’t need nor want, but helping a poor animal out of neglect and loneliness, forget about it.

I’ve been so sad, angry and frustrated this week I made my self sick. I had to cancel plans I was looking forward to and stay home.

In my house, we always buy cruelty free eggs that are RSPCA approved. The cartons are about seven dollars, but its worth it to make sure the chicken are taken care of properly.

I was planning to add a meme here, but I couldn’t find one that didn’t make me cry.

https://www.rspca.org.au/

(c)ASD and me 2019

Posted in Noise, Thoughts

I have the worst neighbours. I now believe in “Toxic men”

Posted on by Private Person

Its 10 to 4 am here in Sydney Australia. I was woken at about quarter to 3 am by my drunk neighbour. Again. Like it has been for the past 3 and a half years. Yes its 2019 and losers who are lower than cave man shit still exist.

I haven’t called the Police on them since 2017 when they were drunk and tried to break into my house. I live in fear of these drunks everyday.

I now believe in the “Toxic Male”. I didn’t want to believe it, but these men next door are just feral garbage. They are loud, noisy, abusive, rude, delusional, fight, caused fights in the street and are just drunk low inbred nothing.

I really do not understand people like this. How is this even a thing someone would do? What thought process (or lack of) is happening in their tiny primitive brain cell that would tell them that bashing a drum kit at 3 am is acceptable behaviour?

And they’re not even any good. I guess they think they sound like Metallica or something, but its just extremely loud noise like construction work. I know that alcohol gives people delusions of talent, but why am I forced to listen to it? I would never do that to anyone.

I called the council to make a noise complaint, who were okay, not rude.

Then I called the Police assistance line.

I was apprehensive about it since my last encounter with them was not helpful. In fact, I lost hope and faith in the Police so now I’m anxious about calling them, but I did because I wanted Police assistance. But its the same disappointment I had last time. I keep thinking they will be like a knight in shining amour to swoop in and save the day; or at least tell the troglodytes next door to lower the volume of their music.

But they’re not knights, they’re just men in blue uniforms who drive past and listen with the window open. I’m sorry, thanks for coming out and wasting petrol, but I need more than a drive by listening. Why even bother coming out if they are not even going to stop the engine? Do they think I’m lying? I’m not doing this for fun; this isn’t fun for me. Sitting at my window, waiting for them to perform a drive by listening. (ooh look here they come).

I’m not some silly child making prank videos on You tube. I’m an actual adult, needing assistance.

I guess I still have a little bit of hope left, since I voted for an ex Police Officer in the recent election.

I don’t know if I should even bother trying to go back to sleep. Its 5.30 and I’m tired. I really hate next doors random noise.

I was told this was a quiet area when we moved here.

#DriveByListening

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in ASD, Autism, Thoughts

Still waiting to hear back from the NDIS

Posted on by Private Person

I know I only send my paperwork in one and a half weeks ago, and I know it takes about 30 days to receive a reply, but I’m anxious. I really need help and I’m hoping they say yes. This time I applied, I gave evidence from two psychologists and I’m hoping that’s enough to get government assistance.

I imagine there will be a glowing door way, with angel singing, and I’m welcomed through to a room full of Low FOD Map food made especially for me. Its the perfect temperature for me, not hot but not freezing. Its quiet, except for crickets chirping in the background.

Hopefully they will say yes. I won’t worry about what I’ll do if they say no just yet.

(c) ASD and me 2019