Month: March 2019

Posted in Thoughts

I really can not stand animal cruelty and neglect.

Posted on by Private Person

I’m finding things harder and harder to endure. I don’t know if its ASD , but I seem to hate noises certain noises even more now.

Last Thursday, next door’s dog was left home alone and it cried for hours. From 8pm almost non stop til 1am. This really upset me, made me furious and sad because I know the dog was crying over its drunk low life owner. I called the council, again and of course, nothing was done. Again.

I really hate animal cruelty. I really do not understand why someone would buy an animal, stick it in their yard and leave it.

Its not a statue! Its a living breathing creature, that actually has feelings.

The worst thing is, I can’t do anything to stop it. I’ve called the council 3 times now and nothing gets done. They have no problem wasting money on things we don’t need nor want, but helping a poor animal out of neglect and loneliness, forget about it.

I’ve been so sad, angry and frustrated this week I made my self sick. I had to cancel plans I was looking forward to and stay home.

In my house, we always buy cruelty free eggs that are RSPCA approved. The cartons are about seven dollars, but its worth it to make sure the chicken are taken care of properly.

I was planning to add a meme here, but I couldn’t find one that didn’t make me cry.

https://www.rspca.org.au/

(c)ASD and me 2019

Posted in Noise, Thoughts

I have the worst neighbours. I now believe in “Toxic men”

Posted on by Private Person

Its 10 to 4 am here in Sydney Australia. I was woken at about quarter to 3 am by my drunk neighbour. Again. Like it has been for the past 3 and a half years. Yes its 2019 and losers who are lower than cave man shit still exist.

I haven’t called the Police on them since 2017 when they were drunk and tried to break into my house. I live in fear of these drunks everyday.

I now believe in the “Toxic Male”. I didn’t want to believe it, but these men next door are just feral garbage. They are loud, noisy, abusive, rude, delusional, fight, caused fights in the street and are just drunk low inbred nothing.

I really do not understand people like this. How is this even a thing someone would do? What thought process (or lack of) is happening in their tiny primitive brain cell that would tell them that bashing a drum kit at 3 am is acceptable behaviour?

And they’re not even any good. I guess they think they sound like Metallica or something, but its just extremely loud noise like construction work. I know that alcohol gives people delusions of talent, but why am I forced to listen to it? I would never do that to anyone.

I called the council to make a noise complaint, who were okay, not rude.

Then I called the Police assistance line.

I was apprehensive about it since my last encounter with them was not helpful. In fact, I lost hope and faith in the Police so now I’m anxious about calling them, but I did because I wanted Police assistance. But its the same disappointment I had last time. I keep thinking they will be like a knight in shining amour to swoop in and save the day; or at least tell the troglodytes next door to lower the volume of their music.

But they’re not knights, they’re just men in blue uniforms who drive past and listen with the window open. I’m sorry, thanks for coming out and wasting petrol, but I need more than a drive by listening. Why even bother coming out if they are not even going to stop the engine? Do they think I’m lying? I’m not doing this for fun; this isn’t fun for me. Sitting at my window, waiting for them to perform a drive by listening. (ooh look here they come).

I’m not some silly child making prank videos on You tube. I’m an actual adult, needing assistance.

I guess I still have a little bit of hope left, since I voted for an ex Police Officer in the recent election.

I don’t know if I should even bother trying to go back to sleep. Its 5.30 and I’m tired. I really hate next doors random noise.

I was told this was a quiet area when we moved here.

#DriveByListening

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in ASD, Autism, Thoughts

Still waiting to hear back from the NDIS

Posted on by Private Person

I know I only send my paperwork in one and a half weeks ago, and I know it takes about 30 days to receive a reply, but I’m anxious. I really need help and I’m hoping they say yes. This time I applied, I gave evidence from two psychologists and I’m hoping that’s enough to get government assistance.

I imagine there will be a glowing door way, with angel singing, and I’m welcomed through to a room full of Low FOD Map food made especially for me. Its the perfect temperature for me, not hot but not freezing. Its quiet, except for crickets chirping in the background.

Hopefully they will say yes. I won’t worry about what I’ll do if they say no just yet.

(c) ASD and me 2019

Posted in Thoughts

Diagnosis has put me near quicksand

Posted on by Private Person

Given a diagnosis of ASD has left me on loose sand. I don’t know how to walk on the sand without falling in the quicksand part. Where do I go? Who can I trust now? Who are my friends now? Can I even trust anyone with this very private and personal information? Where will I be safe?

I feel like I’m wasting time. I grow more anxious each day, and the sands are slipping through the hour glass and I can feel my time slipping away. I know it won’t matter when I’m dead, but I’m not dead yet and I want to make what ever time I have left on this planet happy or at least, content and as less stressful as I can get.

I sent my new NDIS paperwork in this week. I was anxious and crying since I didn’t know how to answer some questions about my disabilities. I hate having to tell personal information to strangers. I’m worried about what they will do with it.

I’m aware that lying to the government is bad and I’m not doing that, but, if I don’t understand a question and I answer wrong as an innocent mistake, not because of malice or perjury, I don’t want to be accused of lying.

If I didn’t really desperately need the help, I wouldn’t go through all this hassle, but I do really need help. I’m not expecting miracles, just some understanding from a kind person.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in Thoughts

I think a man with a pube beard ruined Subway for me

Posted on by Private Person

I rarely buy take away. I can’t eat most because they are always too spicy, salty or greasy. If we do buy it, my bf gets a meal deal with a side of hot chips and I eat some of those. I used to really like Subway. Its salad so that’s meant to be healthy, so what could go wrong ?

We used to have 2 subway restaurants where I live, but last year one closed down. I heard a rumour that they sold moldy bread, so I didn’t buy from there again. The other Subway is on a main street, and I’ve been to them a few times and its been okay. The place is clean, the manager was okay and wore a hair net and gloves to serve the food. But I went there earlier this week and not only were there noisy brats running in and out yelling “he wants carrots not cucumber. no not cucumber mum. mum. MUM. He wants carrots not cucumber.”

Yes we fucking get it, he wants carrot, not carrots or cucumber.

I was trying to ignore that, when I noticed one “sandwich artist” had long hair, a scraggly pube beard and no hairnet. He was wearing gloves, but no hairnet. It was a hot day outside and it looked like he was sweating. The other “sandwich artist” had short hair and I wanted him to serve me, but can I get that man to serve me? Can I say ‘no, I want the man who doesn’t look like a Yeti to serve me. Why? because I really don’t feel like eating your sweat and pube beard sandwich. I know its on the menu since you started, but I have IBS and I really dont think my specialist would recommend it”.

So I left. Bf was disappointed, but understood and suggested we buy something else. I’ll still buy Subway, but if Pube Beard Man is in there, I’ll avoid it.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in Thoughts

I hate your stupid brats. Keep them away from me.

Posted on by Private Person

On Monday I was waiting at the medical centre to beg for another mental health plan review, which is an extension of 4 extra sessions. I was waiting in the front room, which was hot. I the main room has air-con but is also crowded and noisy.

So I was waiting, minding my own business reading, when the door between rooms was  opened, brat #1 came through and slammed door very loudly.

I said “Oh gee” loudly. he stopped and looked at me, I looked at him, then he started playing with the coffee machine in the corner. The mother came in, boy yelled “I need money”. Mother said “you can’t play out here”. She looked at me and took the boy in.

I don’t know what the look was about, but if it was anything other than ‘I’m sorry my bastard son is so annoying. I’m a lazy terrible mother who doesn’t give a shit and I regret having him”, then there would have been trouble.

I’m sitting, not reading, just sitting because it was after 4pm and the doctor is meant to finish at 4pm. I’m worried I will need to rush to get through everything, when the door opens again and a girl, brat #2, runs over and jumps right at me. I leaned back, surprised that it happened. The father said you can’t jump at people like that. She opened a folded piece of paper to reveal crayon mess. The father opened the font door and she left, he looked at me and said sorry, then closed door. I heard him say you can’t jump at people like that, so I assume this is a regular occurrence.

Seriously, she’s lucky it was me, in my mentally exhausted state. If it was someone else, they could have pushed her away or worse.

I really wish parents would control their brats. I really don’t understand what this thing is of letting them run wild and do what ever they want, while trying to be friends with them. You’re a parent! Stop trying to be their friend and grow up and actually be a parent!

I do my best to keep away from people and their brats, but its becoming harder and harder. I already sit in the hot room away from everyone, what more can I do?

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in ASD, Autism

Waiting for help and results.

Posted on by Private Person

I’m only able to see my psychologist once a month and this month has been torture waiting. I have an appointment on Monday, so hopefully I can get my NDIS forms filled out, then sent and then wait another 30 days to find out if I qualify.

I really don’t know what I’m going to do if they say no.

Seems the story of my life.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

Posted in Noise, Thoughts

I hate your noise. Just be quiet #1

Posted on by Private Person

“Everybody’s talkin’ at me,

I can’t hear a word their sayin’,

only the echoes of my mind…”

– Harry Nilsson

I hate people’s noise. I’m mean I really fucking hate peoples stupid juvenile unnecessary noise. It’s ruining more places for me, even my own home life.

For example: if you are wearing headphones, that’s great. Thank you. I appreciate you not forcing everyone to listen to your thumping garbage.

But

If you are playing YOUR music so loudly that I can hear YOUR music from YOUR head phone 2 desks away, then that’s a problem.

This happens everywhere: libraries, quiet carriage on trains, buses, shopping centres, even people walking past on the footpath. They are called headphones because their place is on your head. Not around your neck or hanging from your pocket or backpack.

So if you decide to listen to music, make sure only you can hear it. You are free to deafen yourself if you choose to, but don’t force it on other people.

(c) ASD and me 2019

Posted in Cleaning, Tidying, Thoughts

Extreme KonMari method: hard, exhausting work, but I’m glad I did it.

Posted on by Private Person

I’ve been keeping busy since Christmas by tidying and giving stuff away, mainly to family or charity. I’ve been following the KonMari method of cleaning from the book:

The life changing magic of tidying up by Marie Kondo.

The items I gave away mainly were clothing and containers. I had lots of tracksuit pants that I didn’t wear because the inside lining was polyester or nylon , which is irritating to my skin. I normally buy cotton clothing, but sometimes its very difficult since manufacturers don’t make many pure cotton items. But if I find one, its overly expensive for no good reason I can see.

I have been buying from Op shops or charity shops for years and can sometimes find good clothing that fits me, isn’t stained in weird places with strange colours and is a good price.

I had striped bags full of clothing, blankets, towels, face cloths, napkins, unopened packs of bulk underwear and socks. I went through everything and decided to give away most of it. I kept some things, but most of it wasn’t needed and I didn’t even realise having them or even remember buying some of them. I think I was a bit of a hoarder. Most of the bags are empty now.

I had more than 10 pairs of tracksuits pants. I kept 4 that weren’t itchy and gave the rest away. I had t shirts that didn’t fit anymore, some were old, some were childish and made me wonder why I had kept them.

The kitchen food containers were a hassle. I had some missing lids, and a pile of loose lids with no bodies. I guess containers are like socks.

I also cleaned out the kitchen drawers. I don’t know why I had 5 wooden spoons, but I don’t now. I kept one and gave the rest away, so they can find a new home.

I have 5 cups in the cupboard and 4 dinner plates and 4 small plates. I also found a box of Willow porcelain plates I was given years ago, that I’ll keep for special occasions.

Now my linen press, kitchen and cabinets, wardrobe are now clutter free. Things can breathe and I can see exactly where things are and what I have.

I’m not minimalist, but I’m not a hoarder, which feels good and less stressed when I open my wardrobe door and know that all my clothes I can wear are in there. I don’t need to look for something that isn’t itchy or tight or too long or too short. I dont need to search through bags and take bags down or move bags to get to other bags and I don’t need a ladder now to get to clothes. I even hung my good cotton business looking shirts as well. They’re all shades of blue, which is my favourite colour. I can see all the colours of my clothing and realised they are dark, so I want to buy more shades of colours and not just dark blue, brown, black and grey.

I was shopping and I found a beautiful Dr Seuss mug from the supermarket. I figured after the past 6 months or so, I need something nice after all my appointments and tidying and bad news.

I would recommend the book and the tidying process to everyone. It really does feel better being tidy and I don’t want to go back to being messy and cluttered ever again.

(c) ASD and me 2019.

cup 3