I am not defective or broken
I am creative and unique,
I am not a burden or a liability
I am a wonderful, kind hearted, decent, awesome, hard working, loyal,
Human.
(c)ASD and me.
Tag: Autsim
Do I have ASD? Wait and see.
Today was okay. We woke early and drove for 90 minutes to get to the suburb the office was in by 8am. But since we weren’t familiar with the streets and didn’t know if the doctor had parking for patients, we had to park in the K mart carpark from the previous visit to the ear surgeon last week. Bf went to work and I walked for 20 minutes to get to the doctors office.
It was in an area I would call industrial. Full of mechanics, muffler wholesalers and tyre sellers. It was up the back, so I looked for the number, then cautiously proceeded. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the number large above the door. I walked up and saw black gates. I looked around again. Then I saw a sign with my doctors name on it so I pressed the buzzer. I was told to come through the gate and sit in the lounge area and wait. It started at 10 am.
The testing lasted for over 3 hours. It cost $650 with no Medicare rebate. Was it worth it? I guess we’ll just have to wait a few weeks and see.
(c) ASD and me.
Thoughts #3
I just called to confirm my ASD testing for Thursday 10 am, and was told that the testing will take 3 hours. Now I’m thinking, holy crap what the heck will happen in this testing? How many questions will the doctor be asking?
I’ve been waiting for almost 2 months, but I’m still not ready. If I have ASD, what does that mean? Can I FINALLY get government assistance? Will people now believe I actually have something wrong with me and I’m not just lazy?
And what if I don’t have ASD? What will that mean for my future? Will I have wasted $650 for nothing? I wonder if I can get a part rebate from Medicare.
Too may questions are buzzing around in my head again, or as I call it “the bees are back”. I just need it done.
I really need to know, do I have ASD?
(c)ASD and me.
Thoughts #2
I saw a specialist ear surgeon on Thursday. He wants me to have an MRI to check why I have Tinnitus only in my right ear.
I couldn’t sleep much last night. I cried so much my pillow was soaked. I was so depressed. I had to send a message to my psychologist and asked her to call. Thank goodness she did today. She said I should speak to my GP and tell them my concerns about being in the MRI machine and feeling claustrophobic and trapped. She also said I could try a Valium just for that day.
The thought is really disturbing me. I really do not want to have a brain tumour, but I don’t want to be in that tunnel either. I think I’m honestly more afraid of the Valium.
Why can’t I just be healthy? Why do I have to put up with this shit? I’m poor, unemployed, with a bleak future, dismal future.
All I want is a peaceful healthy life. I don’t expect to be a millionaire, but I don’t want to be struggling for the rest of my life. Thoughts of the future are depressing. I just want this done and over with, but I don’t see how I’ll get though it.
I still have my appointment for ASD testing on the 24th. I’ll try to get though that first.
(c)ASD and me.
Thoughts #1
I want to tell people about my illnesses, but I’m afraid.
Its on the tip of my tongue. Sometimes I’m afraid it will shoot out of me like an alien from the Alien movie.
I don’t mind not being happy, I just don’t want to be depressed or anxious or afraid or feel trapped anymore.
I guess I want what every normal person wants: health, happiness or contentment, loving partner, fulfilling job, meaningful life and a hopeful future.
(c)ASD and me.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
The good: I’m more creative than a lot of people. Brilliant artists like Vincent Van Gogh had mental illnesses (including depression), and made beautiful paintings that artists try to copy today, over 100 years later.
The bad: No cure. I’ll always be this way. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Hopefully in the future I’ll come to terms with it and find peace with it.
The ugly: Uneducated people who seem to hate us. Ignorant people who spread lies and bully us, and act like we are beneath them.
I really wish people would educate themselves. Life is hard enough as it is without other peoples garbage truck of issues being dumped on us.
(c)ASD and me.
ASD and me 
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