Tag: ASD

Posted in Thoughts

Thoughts #3

Posted on by Private Person

I just called to confirm my ASD testing for Thursday 10 am, and was told that the testing will take 3 hours. Now I’m thinking, holy crap what the heck will happen in this testing? How many questions will the doctor be asking?

I’ve been waiting for almost 2 months, but I’m still not ready. If I have ASD, what does that mean? Can I FINALLY get government assistance? Will people now believe I actually have something wrong with me and I’m not just lazy?

And what if I don’t have ASD? What will that mean for my future? Will I have wasted $650 for nothing? I wonder if I can get a part rebate from Medicare.

Too may questions are buzzing around in my head again, or as I call it “the bees are back”. I just need it done.

I really need to know, do I have ASD?

(c)ASD and me.

Posted in Thoughts

Thoughts #2

Posted on by Private Person

I saw a specialist ear surgeon on Thursday. He wants me to have an MRI to check why I have Tinnitus only in my right ear.

I couldn’t sleep much last night. I cried so much my pillow was soaked. I was so depressed. I had to send a message to my psychologist and asked her to call. Thank goodness she did today. She said I should speak to my GP and tell them my concerns about being in the MRI machine and feeling claustrophobic and trapped. She also said I could try a Valium just for that day.

The thought is really disturbing me. I really do not want to have a brain tumour, but I don’t want to be in that tunnel either. I think I’m honestly more afraid of the Valium.

Why can’t I just be healthy? Why do I have to put up with this shit? I’m poor, unemployed, with a bleak future, dismal future.

All I want is a peaceful healthy life. I don’t expect to be a millionaire, but I don’t want to be struggling for the rest of my life. Thoughts of the future are depressing. I just want this done and over with, but I don’t see how I’ll get though it.

I still have my appointment for ASD testing on the 24th. I’ll try to get though that first.

(c)ASD and me.

Posted in ASD, Autism

Thoughts #1

Posted on by Private Person

I want to tell people about my illnesses, but I’m afraid.

Its on the tip of my tongue. Sometimes I’m afraid it will shoot out of me like an alien from the Alien movie.

I don’t mind not being happy, I just don’t want to be depressed or anxious or afraid or feel trapped anymore.

I guess I want what every normal person wants: health, happiness or contentment, loving partner, fulfilling job, meaningful life and a hopeful future.

(c)ASD and me.

meme dandilion.jpg

Posted in Autism

The good, the bad and the ugly.

Posted on by Private Person

The good: I’m more creative than a lot of people. Brilliant artists like Vincent Van Gogh had mental illnesses (including depression), and made beautiful paintings that artists try to copy today, over 100 years later.

The bad: No cure. I’ll always be this way. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Hopefully in the future I’ll come to terms with it and find peace with it.

The ugly: Uneducated people who seem to hate us. Ignorant people who spread lies and bully us, and act like we are beneath them.

I really wish people would educate themselves. Life is hard enough as it is without other peoples garbage truck of issues being dumped on us.

(c)ASD and me.

Posted in ASD

Could it be ASD?

Posted on by Private Person

I have an appointment scheduled for the 24th of January, to answer the question:

Could it be ASD?

ASD is Autism Spectrum Disorder. There are different levels of ASD, but I think I  am on the milder end, often called “High Functioning.”

Asperger’s Syndrome:

This is the milder end of the spectrum. A person with Asperger’s can be very intelligent and can look after themselves, such as bathing, cooking, cleaning their house, driving, working, playing sports, taking classes like dancing, yoga etc.

This term is not longer used because its it comes from Nazis.

They can also find socialising very difficult and making friends impossible. This has been my experience.

Waiting is the hardest part. I need to know either way, do I have ASD or not?

(c)ASD and me.