I’m still waiting for people to call me and to get new help. I really dont know what to do. I cant stop thinking about what happened and I can’t sleep. I’m trying to eat healthy, but its really hard to not just eat chocolate like I used to.
I really wish I could get a personal trainer or find a group of women my age to exercise and socialise with.
(c)ASD and me 2021
Last year was so awful, I was worried about the bushfires, then catching covid so now I can’t wait for it to be over. I didn’t look around the shop like it used to, so I wasn’t getting enough exercise. I over ate sometimes and now I feel just lazy, bloated sometimes, and I know I put on weight.
I’ve been watching a show called supersize v super skinny which I’m enjoying. I’m learning that I didn’t eat enough of the good foods and maybe too much of the bad. Bf and I are now trying to eat healthier and with winter coming, its easier to make bread, stews and even just to put the oven on.
(c)ASD and me 2021
It’s autumn here in Australia. It’s my favourite season because the leaves on the deciduous trees are changing to beautiful warm palette colours; the days are not boiling hot 30 degrees and above, the cool breezes return and I get to wear winter clothing and sleep near the fireplace.
(c) ASD and me 2021
This has happened to me many times in my life. People have stared at me, gossiped about me, pointed at me, bullied me deliberately excluded me, used me, abused me, hurt me emotionally and physically and more things I think I have blocked out.
I’ve never had a real friend. The people I’ve thought were my friends were like facebook friends, just a click on a screen, just electric dreams, an illusion of friendship. These people are fleeting and temporary and don’t really matter. They don’t care about me, just use me as a tool to get what they want, either a free lift home or something else.
I posted this last year on my old blog, but it’s still relevant now. I really do want to walk in a forest where I’m away from noisy humans and have silence.
I’ve been feeling so depressed lately sometimes it feels like I wont stop crying. A few times I felt my eyes almost fill with tears and I don’t know why. I’m hoping my support coordinator can find some new services to help me soon.
I still can’t believe the psychologist and CV used and abused me. I’m still having trouble sleeping, eating, getting motivated etc. I’m struggling to write on this blog every weekday as well, but I really want a book published.
I don’t even feel like painting anymore. All the money I made from selling the 4 paintings was spent on new art materials and now I regret it. Maybe I’ll feel better in the future and I’ll want to paint again. For now, I only have the energy for drawing small watercolour paintings.
(c) ASD and me 2021
I drew this during Covid last year. I had so many bad thoughts, so much depression and anxiety and always felt stressed and awful. This year I’m feeling a bit better, but I still struggle a lot with things.
Sometimes I still want to crawl in a hole and be alone, but mostly now, I want to become healthier, happier, more positive and exercise more.
(c) ASD and me 2021
ASD and me 
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