Category: Thoughts

Posted in Thoughts

Psychologist visit

Posted on by Private Person

I saw my previous psychologist yesterday. It went okay. I hadn’t sat in an office for a while and had to speak about my self for ages now, so it was hard. I had written down subjects to talk about, like the backstabbing and betrayal the last “psychologist” had done.

I’m surprised I didn’t cry. I usually always cry when I talk about crap that’s happened to me. What does this mean? Am I cured? Clearly not since I’m still full of rage and venom over past events.

Maybe I’m emotionally constipated and aren’t aware. I’m not sure. I have another appointment in a month, hopefully I’ll be able to talk some more and not sit in silence or answer questions with a few words, like they are toilet paper from 2020.

(c)ASD and me 2021.

Posted in Thoughts

I’m a regular person, not the X men.

Posted on by Private Person

I watched a video of celebrities raising money for a child’s Autism charity. I know they had good intentions, but one of the hosts was a father of a boy with autism and he kept saying that autism was a superpower.

This really annoyed me. I do not want people to think we have super powers; that scares people away.

In the X men movie, a group of humans have superpowers. They are also called mutants. They need to hide away from society so humans without superpowers dont kill them.

You may think, “its just a move” but is it? Isn’t this really how people would react? There would be a lot of jealously from people as usual who think they are missing out on something.

Its disturbing how people throw the word “superpower” around like its something enviable. I do not consider my ASD as a superpower, I would call it more of a disability, since it makes my life difficult everyday.

A superpower is something that helps you save the world and helps people in trouble, not something that stops you from functioning and doing normal everyday things, like shopping in a supermarket or finding a job.

I am a regular, average human. It may sound boring, but its true.

(c) ASD and me 2021.

Posted in Thoughts

2021 hasn’t gone as I had hoped…

Posted on by Private Person

After last year, I had very high hopes for this year; maybe to high. I guess I may have set myself up to fail again, which is a bad habit of mine. I want to get so much done, publish novels, books, art projects, invent inventions, but its all so overwhelming, I usually end up crying in the corner or on the floor.

I really regret deleting my old blog called drawings inside my head. I started that almost a year ago and it was my salvation. People commented on my drawings, I had conversations with strangers, something that would never happen in real life. I should have at least posted that I was deleting it or just left it for a while so I could come back to it.

I usually regret things and doubt myself when I make big decisions, so now I’m unsure how to precede, in life and online. I had Instagram last year, but now I feel I couldn’t be bother with all that now. I want to return to college to study visual arts, but its so far away, about a 90 minute drive and I really dont want to be driving in the snow or rain.

I can try again in August when college starts again. There are shorter courses 1 day a week for 8 weeks, maybe I’ll try one of those to ease my way back in again. I’m still very nervous about returning to TAFE college as I was sexually harassed and the teacher wasn’t punished for what she did. In fact, she was worse and bullied me even more to punish me for reporting her.

The college will be a different location, hopefully things will be different this time and I can get a professional teacher who know what they are doing.

(c) ASD and me 2021

Posted in Thoughts

I think things are back to normal but in the worse way…

Posted on by Private Person

I wanted to do something normal on Saturday, so bf and I decide to have lunch at the workers club. We had received our free vouchers, so I wanted to use them.

When we arrived, we realised we had forgotten it was mothers day and that the club would be crowded with noisy people and brats running around.

It stressed me and I started to have a panic attack. I didn’t want to stay there so we came home. I was very angry and disappointed so I cleaned the kitchen and organised the cupboards.

I really hate how there are no child free areas, except for nightclubs. I wish there were no-child restaurants and rsl clubs for adults to enjoy a quiet dinner without noisy wild animal brats running around.

(c) ASD and me 2021.