What is my purpose?
I wish I could see.
I’m lost in the dark
so far from a safe place.
I wish I could out run these shadows,
but they exist
in my mind.
(c)ASD and me.
Author: Private Person
Im kind of burnt out with blogging after doing it for 11 years. taking a break. Only had this blog to attract publishers anyway.
Crazy day #1: Valentines day
I hate valentines day for so many reasons.
Why do we even celebrate it? Originally it was to celebrate a priest who married couples even though the king had banned marriage. But now its become a Hallmark holiday and people go crazy buying junk they don’t need, to throw in land fill the next day.
Most of the red roses that are sold, are imported from South Africa, sprayed with Round Up (a chemical used to kill grass and other things), and are sometimes sprayed with artificial scents.
My bf had been working over time to pay for our house repairs and I wanted to buy him a present to say thankyou. I don’t know what possessed me, but I knew he likes the marzipan from Aldi, so I willingly walked in. At 3 pm. I must have lost my mind because when I couldn’t find it, I drove to Coles.
I ended up buying a $12 black forest gateau, then dodging all the brats and crazy people in the mad dash to grab the discounted valentines day crap, like a cheap teddy that sang Be my baby.
Trying to navigate the exit was like being in Pamplona during the running of the bulls; I had to stay at the side to prevent being trampled.
I’m back to my senses now. Cake is gone. Only crazy days left are my birthday and Easter.
(c) ASD and me 2019.
Ring, ring, why won’t she give me a call?
I called the ASD psychologist Tuesday, 3 days ago and left a message with her receptionist but she hasn’t called back. I really want to freak out and cry and break things, but I’m not a child anymore, am fully grown woman, so need to think of reasons why she has me waiting in the pit of hell.
1. Maybe she has been really busy with other clients and hasn’t had time.
2. Maybe she hasn’t been in the office because she’s been ill.
3. Maybe she has had family stuff to deal with.
4. Maybe she was hit by a kangaroo. (This actually happens where I live).
5. Maybe she was abducted by aliens. ( I’ve heard rumours this has happened).
6. Maybe she secretly quit and ran away laughing maniacally with my $650 payment. (ha, ha, ha, ha, stupid ding bat; I made up ASD to steal money from clients. Its a scam).
Okay, I know these aren’t true, (or I hope their not), I’m just anxious and I let it run wild with my imagination and they aren’t my friends. They are the bad kids who sit up the back and smoke and throw spit balls and flick rubber bands at the smart students in the front row.
I’ll have to call her today.
Again.
(c) ASD and me 2019.
No answers yet
Yesterday I saw my psychologist. She didn’t have the results from the ASD psychologist, so we talked for an hour then I came home.
Its been three weeks so I guess I need to call her. I don’t like making phone calls, but I’m getting better and I am a bit more confident (sometimes) than I used to be.
I’m only really nervous calling a stranger. Making doctors appointment are okay, but I still don’t like doing it. I have no problems calling my parents or bf.
I guess I need to just do it.
Wish me luck.
(c)ASD and me.
I really want to pass the test, but what does “passing” mean?
I have an appointment today at midday. I’m anxious because I’m hoping the ASD psychologist I had the testing with, that I paid $650 for, will have sent my psychologist the results.
And I was thinking I hope I passed. But then I thought, what does pass mean?
Does it mean that actually have ASD? or does it mean I don’t have ASD?
I’m okay with either answer, I just really need to know. This waiting for weeks on end is driving me crazy.
If I have ASD, do I qualify for government assistance? Can I get help with job searching? I really hate being at home mostly while bf is at work. I tried the pools, but that was a disaster. Have tried other things, but it never works out. I get cabin fever mostly, but have nowhere to go and have no friends, so I’m trapped in a dark tunnel alone and afraid.
If I don’t have ASD, then what the hell is wrong with me? I know I have anxiety disorders, and IBS, but what else? What else could be lurking in the dark cave of my mind?
I really hate this!
I need to know now!
Do I have ASD or not?
(c)ASD and me.
Beware of copyright. Please don’t steal
In case it isn’t obvious, everything on this site belongs to me. I own the intellectual copyright under Australian copyright laws, so please don’t steal any of my work.
I’m the writer, the author, the typist, I choose the look and I make my own quotes. I put a lot of time and effort into my blog. It may not seem that way since you just see the end result, not the hours of learning or struggling with disabilities, the editing and self doubt.
If you have a blog or intend to start one, consider it your small business and protect yourself. Learn to make a logo and add a copyright symbol. I use GIMP, which is a free open source software for graphic design.
I’m thinking about the future of my blog and I would like to turn it into a paper book with my hand drawn illustrations, my thoughts from this blog and other thoughts.
If you re tweet or repost the memes and quotes on social media, please credit this blog: ASD and me.
(c) ASD and me 2019.
Songs I didn’t know had secret meanings #2
I’ve been looking up songs and found more surprises:
Every breathe you take – The police
I like this song but I’ve read its meant to be about a stalker. I didn’t think there was anything bad with it, but I don’t like stalkers.
Total eclipse of the heart – Bonnie Tyler
I just read this song was meant to be about Vampire love. Apparently the writer originally wrote it for a musical, about – get this – Nosferatu.
Summer of 69 – Bryan Adams.
Okay, now I think about it, him being a teen in the year of 1969 doesn’t make sense. He was born in 1959, so would have been 10. The song, about a sex position, was released in 1985. I always thought it was a 90s song.
Maniac – Michael Sembello
“She’s a maniac, maniac on the floor…”
I’ve always thought that describing a woman dancing as a “maniac” was strange, but after watching the video from Todd in the shadows, I understand why.
Songs I didn’t know had secret meanings #1
I’ve heard that people with ASD miss meanings of things and I guess sometimes that’s correct. There are many songs I didn’t understand or totally missed the hidden meaning of.
Roxanne – The Police
Are songs written intentionally to have secret meanings?
In case you didn’t know, this song is meant to be about a man who is in love with a prostitute. I guess the lyrics give some clues:
“You don’t have to sell you body to the night…”
Closing time – Semisonic
I wasn’t really into this song, but am surprised that its about the singers expected baby being born.
Urgent – Foreigner
This is one of my favourite songs, but I didn’t get what it as about until recently. Its about late night snu snu.
Flagpole Sitta – Harvey Danger
“I’m not sick but I’m not well…”
Remember this song from the first American Pie movie? I read this song is about a book called Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. Also a bit about masturbation.
(c) ASD and me
Books with ASD #1: The curious incident
The curious incident of the dog in the night time – Mark Haddon
This novel is about a boy with Autism who goes outside one night to find a dog he likes dead in the yard, then decides to investigate.
Its been a few years since I’ve read it, but I think its written in first voice from the boys perspective, so we get his thoughts.
I don’t want to spoil anything, I’ll just recommend it to everyone to read, especially if you want to understand the thoughts and actions of autistic children and possibly children with mental illness.
This is one of my favourite books. I saw it in an Op shop and liked the cover so I bought it. I saw the play advertised, but unfortunately I missed it.
If you know someone who has an autistic child and they struggle to understand them, maybe you could give them this book to read.
(c)ASD and me.
Poem #3
I am not defective or broken
I am creative and unique,
I am not a burden or a liability
I am a wonderful, kind hearted, decent, awesome, hard working, loyal,
Human.
(c)ASD and me.
ASD and me 
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