I’ve been trying to push myself to do new things the past almost 2 years since my funding was approved. It normally doesn’t go as well as I had hoped, but at least I’m able to leave the house and I’m still alive.
I still want to work and travel and a lot more things I hope I can do in the future when covid is finally over.
(c) ASD and me 2021.
I’m still having trouble sleeping. I just lie in bed thinking about things, staring at the ceiling. When I do get to sleep, its broken and my bf snores, so that keeps me awake and wakes me as well.
I wish I could tell the CV and psychologist off, but I’m powerless. They are going to get away with doxxing me and turning my life upside down.
I wish I could have beautiful dreams of sunny warm days, picnics with friends and happy days. Not nightmares about betrayal and lies.
Maybe things will get better in the future. Hopefully.
(c)ASD and me 2021
I still feel so betrayed by my community visitor person. She said we were good friends and acted like we were. I trusted her and told her about my secrets and showed her my drawings. I opened up more to her than I have to any other person. So how was this bravery on my part rewarded?
She stabbed me in the back!
I’ve mentioned before how she took my photo without my permission and printed it in the paper, especially after I had said no many times. So she knew, she just didn’t care. She was just pretending to be my friend and care about me for money.
Now I can’t sleep and my appetite is erratic. I was trying to eat healthy, but now its really difficult to even decide what to eat or have the energy to cook.
I’m so confused about what happened, I have no one to talk to about it and I have no closure. She’s not even a real psychologist, but pretended to be for money I guess.
Did they think they could trick me out of my funding? I still have no idea.
What I do have are sleepless nights full of tossing, turning and crying. I’m worse off than I was before and my depression has worsened.
But nothing has happened to her, her life is still fine. She still has a family and a job where she can manipulate and use people for her own means and get away with it.
I don’t know how to proceed. How do I get past this massive Mount Everest sized betrayal?
(c) ASD and me 2021.
Last year I started sharing my drawings on another blog, Pinterest and Instagram. Those accounts are deleted now, but I want to share some on this site so I can try to get a book published.
It really helped me last year when I was stuck at home, being anxious and depressed all the time, to draw my feelings. I’m bad at drawing and they come out crappy and crude, but they are honest, so that’s all I care about. My drawings are for me really, and I had been making them for years until last year I decided to share some. Until then, I hadn’t told a soul about them.
Some are self explanatory, but some, are really abstract and may be hard to interpret for people not living in my brain.
I hope readers enjoy them and maybe get something thing from it like I did making them.
(c) ASD and me 2021
Last year I was so scared, worried, anxious, stressed, depressed, sad with an endless list of emotions.
This year though started out good. I had a community visitor to help me with things. She helped me arrange an art show, which was extremely stressful for me and made me want to run away and cry. I sold 4 paintings which was nice, but then I spent the money on art supplies, so now I’m broke again with no way to sell paintings now. I thought I could sell them as a career, but I guess I’m stuck again being unemployed.
Then she told me that an article had been written about me in the paper and had basically doxxed me! I had said a million times I do NOT want my name and photo taken. So what do my psychologist and and CV do? Take my fucking photo behind my back and print it in the paper, with my first name and that I’m an NDIS client!
I sent angry messages to both of them asking why this had happen. The CV replied saying the usual bullshit excuses, but I’m not falling for it.
I wrote an email the the minister for the NDIS Stuart Robert and I received a reply. I also think I’ll write to the department of Heath and the news becasue I think her medical licence needs to be reviewed.
Who the fuck do they think they are?? I said NO a million times, I do not want my name in the paper or an article written. But snakes do whatever underhanded shit they want to to promote their companies. Who gives a fuck if they’re disabled client says no? The stupid morons dont know what they want, its up to us to force them into a cage for their “protection” and tell them what they want.
Now I can’t trust psychologists, which really sucks because I really need to talk to one about the shit that happened. I have no help at all now. My funding will probably be cancelled, then I’ll be like I was in 2019, depressed and disabled.
(c)ASD and me 2021.
ASD and me 
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