Yesterday I made myself angry watching a video of people yelling at the PM. He tried to shake hands with a woman and a male Firefighter after they told him they didn’t want to. After everything that has happened, and seeing new smoke near where I live, I was angry and had started typing another angry post. This one was even more angry and sarcastic than the last. But I’m glad I waited and didn’t post it.
I thought, even if I post sarcastic, angry thoughts it won’t stop the fires. I’ve never met the PM and I don’t know what his motives are, but we shouldn’t blame him for the bushfires. Fires start here all the time, even before he was PM, so even though everyone’s angry and throwing eggs at him, I don’t want to get angry and over react. I want to break that bad habit and think before I speak and act.
I have reacted without speaking many times in the past and I have always regretted it afterwards. I have bad habits I really want to break, so I have to try and change my mind and not react straight away. I need space and time to gather my thoughts.
Since my diagnosis in November 2018, I have felt more and more vulnerable. I want to tell people about my ASD, but I’m afraid of their response. I’m afraid to even tell my own mum, because we don’t get along sometimes and she has made jokes about my missing tooth, then said I’m your mum, which somehow justifies saying nasty comments and hurting my feelings. So now I fear telling anyone. I can only really talk about it to my psychologist, who had to cancel our last appointment because of the fire.
I’m starting a list of things to try for the new year. They’re not goals, just ideas for me to try and improve my day to day life.
©ASD and me 2020.
ASD and me 