Month: November 2019

I keep looking out the same window, hearing the same noises and the same dogs bark. Thinking the same thoughts, wishing I could be away from here. I’m not sure of the location, but I know it will be somewhere quiet and safe. Somewhere I won’t be abused, harassed or deafened.

Maybe a soft fluffy cloud to sleep on and have beautiful dreams. Or nice green grass to wriggle my toes in.

I keep hoping everyday that some miracle will happen. that ill be rescued from this place.

Sunday was hot. I had to move the wood from the driveway, but it was extremely heavy so I could only move them down the driveway a bit. So I spent the afternoon watching the Addams family.

I’ve always loved the Addams family. When i was young, I wanted to find a man like Gomez. A man who would respect me and adore me  way he loves Mortica.

But that’s just a character someone made by writers.

©ASD and me 2019.

I volunteered at the church again today. Some people were having a conversation about a girl who likes taking a lot of photos and a woman said “she has Autism”. The man who asked the question said “oh that makes sense”. Then they changed the subject.

The question wasn’t mean spirited or bullying, I think he was new to the area and he wasn’t familiar with this this girl or her sometimes unusual behaviour. Everyone who knows her knows what’s she’s like so, I guess they’re used to it.

I like how accepting this question and answer was. Just, she has Autism. No malice, just a neutral fact. I wish everyone was as accepting and kind, but I’ve learned from past experiences that some people can use what they see as a weakness as a weapon against you.

I did think, why does finding out someone has Autism “makes sense”? Does having a mental illness give someone a pass for unusual behaviour? Is it like how children can wear pyjamas or a baby can be out in public wearing just a nappy and people will say how cute they are? Or is it because some people are unsure or, not nervous, but don’t know how to act around disabled people? (including me).

I thought at that moment, I have autism too, but I didn’t say anything. I want to tell people, but I feel like its still my secret and I want to protect it because once information is out, there’s no way to retract it.

Hopefully one day I’ll feel safe enough to tell people who aren’t a doctor or a social worker.

©ASD and me 2019.