Month: September 2019

I saw my LAC on Friday and she gave me some numbers. I was already anxious so when I spoke to her, I cried and other staff in the office saw. She asked if I was overwhelmed and I nodded because its hard for me to make words when my brain is filled with tears.

After thinking about it, I won’t bother changing. I assume they will all be the same, so what’s the point? But I really want a new cleaning company. And to relocate.

I told the LAC that I want to quit, but she said don’t do that, I should just do one thing at a time. There’s no rush. My brain almost exploded with words I can’t say, so I nodded and left.

Then went to Aldi afterwards and forgot to get a trolley again. I’m used to Woolies, where you can just grab a trolley and don’t need to hire one.

But I’m home now and trying to rest. I might put on some birds sounds and try to have a nap, then decide what to do later.

©ASD and me 2019

I saw an elderly neighbour last week and she asked me to do volunteer work at the church on Friday. I didn’t know how to say no, so I agreed.

Well today we both went in her car and it was okay. It was freezing outside. The wind was icy. Inside the storeroom was very messy. We had to move lots of boxes and bags to organise shelves and lots of groceries and toiletries for a give away they hold for people on a low income.

I moved boxes and lifted boxes till my back, arms and legs hurt. Then came home and moved a tonne of stuff on Sunday out the front of my house for the council to take away. So my back, legs and arms hurt again.

Now its Monday and I watched the council throw everything in the garbage truck and that’s one less problem. I have a million problems, but that junk in the backyard isn’t one of them anymore.

©ASD plus me ™

The woman who runs the cleaning company called me Friday and was rude. I knew something would happen when the cleaner worked overtime, but I didn’t think the owner would be rude to me.

She had a tone in her voice, like it was my fault the cleaner stayed half an hour longer because I made her or something. Or that I was trying to get “free cleaning” or something. The cleaner should have had a timer or something.

She was hostile and angry on the phone. I can’t believe it. And she was very judgemental. She complained I had too may dishes to wash in the kitchen and why can’t my husband clean some dishes and help out? There are 2 people living there. How fucking dare she judge me and my situation. She is paid to have staff clean my house, not judge clients houses.

I’m thinking that I’ll speak to my agency and fire this rude woman. I honestly can not believe that she would try to blame me for her mistake.

I was blown away and shocked that she spoke that way to me on the phone. I should have told her off, but I was tired and wasn’t expecting to be attacked by a rude bully.

I now see why the NDIS made the rule that WE, as the client, can pick who we want as a provider.

I don’t care how well the cleaner was at her job, I’m so tired of bullies blaming me for their mistakes. If she makes a fuss and tries to bully me and not be fired, it will still happen.

I’ve never fired anyone before and I don’t like conflict, but I need to stand up for myself and not be bullied anymore. I’m not high school anymore and haven’t been for a very long time.

Its Monday and the cleaner came again and left on time. Once again, she didn’t rinse the dishes, so I will need to wash them to remove all the suds before they dry. This really just makes more work for me, when they are meant to be making less work. Don’t know if I have the energy or even the fucks to give at the moment. I feel exhausted so will just try to rest and not worry about it.

Edit: the cleaner left early a few times, but I was still charged for 2 hours, wasn’t I?

©ASD and me 2019™

I wrote this yesterday (Monday) morning.

I have the cleaner coming over at 10am. I wonder what it will be like. I’ve never had someone clean for me while I don’t clean as well, except for my mum and boyfriend.

I have a cleaner in my house as I write and its a strange feeling. I keep peeking around the corner a bit too see what she’s doing. I can hear noises of dishes touching and pans clanging. I don’t think she’s doing a bad job, I actually feel a bit sorry for her. I’m expecting her to do things I can’t and won’t want to do my self.

I felt a bit lazy and guilty when she came in. I was a bit embarrassed by the messy cluttered state of my kitchen. I’m glad she didn’t judge me, because I would have cried. I don’t want it to be this way; I hate it! I try to clean, but its never enough. I feel like I’m always cleaning but its always the same level of mess. I even did Konmarie method of decluttering and gave away a lot of things, but its still messy.

I don’t know if I should ask her if she wants a drink of water or something. Its a women in my house, who isn’t my friend, but isn’t family or a doctor. I normally don’t allow strangers into my house, but, she does have the companies name embroidered on her work shirt.

I just looked at the time. Its 12.30 and she just left. She was meant to finish at 12pm. I don’t know what will happen now. I hope the company calls me so we can discuss the overtime.

Anyway, my house is looking a lot cleaner than it has in a long time. She was a magician to be able to remove all the cat hair from the rugs. For the first time, I’m grateful that the NDIS has accepted my application and I can get help.

I called another place earlier to get Community Access, so someone can take me places and they said they can help me find a occupational therapist, so that would be great. I can’t find one on my own.

I’m going shopping now to get a few things, then I’ll come back and fold washing, then put the clean dishes away in my now clean kitchen.

(c) ASD and me 2019