Put down the toilet paper and back away

I went shopping a week ago at Woollies and noticed that the toilet paper isle was empty. I was walking through the isle with a trolley on my way to the tills and thought that it was strange but didn’t really think about it. They had some items not back in stock yet during the bushfires, so I didn’t worry about it.

When I arrived home, I told BF that Woollies shelves were empty of toilet paper. He said it was lucky I bought a large bag of it last week. I thought of writing about this last week, but have been keeping busy moving furniture around and cleaning, vacuuming a bit, going through and writing lists of winter clothing I own and painting 2 canvasses with bushfire scenes.

On Sunday, I saw a YouTube video by and Australian comedian named Isaac Butterfield. He had made a video about the toilet paper crises, know as Toilet paper gate.

People fighting, pulling knives, now a shop even had to hire security , not to stop people stealing from the store, just to stand by piles of bog roll and what, stop people stabbing eachother?

Remember its just toilet paper, bog roll, shitter paper, shit tickets. Do you really want to to be arrested and have a permanent criminal record over a fight with someone for an arse napkin?

Here are some alternatives:

  • Rags that you wash in boiling water and Dettol or disinfectant.
  • A small amount of tissues (but don’t flush them, put in a bin).
  • Have a bidet installed.
  • Newspaper
  • Magazine pages or spam pamphlets.
  • A cat litter tray (cats use it, so why can’t we?)
  • Corn cob husks (the leaf part that gets pulled off)
  • A4 paper or computer printer paper. Why recycle when you can use it? If it has confidential information, then all the better. No one will want to steal or even touch the paper afterwards.
  • A “Bum gun” or a water sprayer that connects to your toilet and is like a hand held Bidet.
  • A sponge that can be washed or burned. Possibly on a stick.
  • Cardboard tubes
  • Cotton balls or flat round wipes used for make up.
  • Snow. I read this and don’t see how this is possible, but if you’re desperate…
  • Rope? I read sailors and pirates used to use it.
  • Banana leaves or soft leaves with out thorns or prickles.
  • The leaves that are really soft like rabbit ears.
  • Old receipts. Just make sure you don’t need to keep these for a return.

If you do find yourself in a confrontation with a crazy person fighting you over toilet paper, just let them have it. Seriously, its really not worth your safety and sanity. Just drop the toilet paper, or bag of rice or whatever it is on the ground or put it on a shelf and walk away. Tell the staff in the shop what happened then leave and go home.

(c) ASD and me 2020.

Please leave a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.